My Own Saga: Endure and Survive

Dear friend,

I started working again last week. I'm back to the office world again and I'm thankful for this second chance. I'd like to take this as a redemption because of the mishap I did with my first although there will be some adjustments and sacrifices I have to make along the way.

I almost got used to the slacker lifestyle; I'm referring to the homebody type of life. I almost indulged myself with the perks of staying at home and cruising through the day. I need to change that since I need this job for a lot of things. One thing is a camera for business and artistic purposes. But I'll have to endure to survive and maintain my composure and sanity before I get to that sub-goal. So I need to adjust myself for I still think I'm stuck in the transition or I think I have what is known as the "post-graduate syndrome".

Going back to my work, the workplace is all right. The atmosphere's pretty light but the challenges set the pressure. People there are really welcoming and cool. They're really hospitable since day 1. But there's one thing I don't like in the workplace is its location.

The workplace is set in one of the busiest places in the world or perhaps, the busiest place in my world. The flow of traffic there sucks my soul and I mean literally because it really drains my energy from going there to going home.

First, I have to wait for 40 minutes to an hour for a ride to work. Then, the travel time lasts for around two hours because of the heavy flow of traffic and a huge volume of cars on the road. Almost every road we take is fucking congested. There is rarely a smooth moment during the travels unless I go to work in the weekends and holidays which might be a rare thing [I hope].

Of course, life in that particular city is fucking expensive. The travel fare is damn expensive. The food can be pricey too if you choose to eat in a good place. There are decent places to eat like the fast food chains though my appetite won't be satisfied in those stores. Thankfully, the workplace offers food in a reasonable way so expenses are lessened a little.

The city also tests my limits and patience because there will always be challenges everyday like lines in terminals and congested traffic conditions at night. I even thought of staying a little late just to get home smoothly though it's not really a recommended idea since I live far and I have to sleep early just to get to work on time.

One thing I have to sacrifice is my passion and you perhaps have some idea of what that passion is so I will not elaborate that anymore. I'll have to sacrifice a little of that passion to sustain and support myself and even contribute to the family as well. I can't rely on my parents forever since they only have a few years before retiring.

My friends and I started a film production last year and we recently thought of turning it into a source of profit as well. That explains the reason for the need of a camera. The idea is quite nice because I can actually practice my skills from my course and make money out of the experience too. It's a nice package to be honest. But first, I have to finish the transition and get out of the "post-grad syndrome" to finally establish my foundations firmly.

Damn. I think I should be sleeping too since I have work tomorrow. I'm still getting used again to the idea of waking up early again. It's like going back to school except you're not dealing with people who are mostly like my age and every action I'll make and take will weigh the outcome in the coming days and months.

So I guess I'll stop here for now. It's been nice to write again. I just hope to get through this unscathed or at least with a few scratches along the way.

I'll have to remember this as well for motivation:

"ENDURE AND SURVIVE."

Sincerely,

Zepp 

My Own Saga: Lost in the Smoke

Dear friend,

It's been a while since I last wrote here. A lot of things happened when I was gone. Many left while some stayed... or something along those lines. I'm a little intoxicated right now. My head is a little woozy but I can't sleep yet since I feel the urge to write something here. Well, it's because I felt I sort of abandoned this blog to be exact.

What's happening with me right now, you may ask? I was busy these past 5 months. I was busy with being a production assistant in several films and one television series. The whole experience was tiring yet rewarding since I met a lot of good people. They were really fun. I think I mentioned them in my previous posts.

Right now, I'm not preoccupied with any projects. I'm getting a little unmotivated with transcribing materials. I've been busy with other things like making short films and skits with my friends and covering events for clients. I've been looking for jobs again. I'll apply for another job tomorrow. I hope to nail this one because practically speaking, I really need a stable job with a fixed income.

My mom has been complaining for quite a while because I don't have a regular job and she keeps on saying that I should have a job that has a fixed income and benefits. I understand her point and it somehow convinced me to look for another job once more because the transcribing gig is unpredictable when it comes to distributing income. I'm also almost broke so I also need to earn money to save up for a camera.

That's my professional and financial status so far. About my personal life, all I can say is that it's a little messed up, both positively and negatively. It's positive because my life is not monotonous and it's negative because I'm sort of losing control over myself.

I've been smoking since July. I know it's not good yet I keep on smoking. I'm NOT a chain smoker though and I can pull off a maximum of two weeks so far without smoking. I think I only smoke when I'm under stress and with my friends. I don't smoke at home or near its premises or my life will get more wild and "dramatic". I consider smoking as a "guilty pleasure" and I want to stop before something bad develops. I've also been eating too much sweets so I need to lessen that too.

About the affections, they somehow decreased but they tend to resurface when these persons reappear in any form in my life like for example, this particular person's name keeps on appearing in my face anywhere and anytime and I'm like, "What the fuck, fate? What are you trying to say?" Excuse my language. Then, for the second person, I've been thinking of talking to that person and try to be friends again. I know I messed up but I need that person for motivation. I don't care about intimacy. I need motivation.

Speaking of motivation, I really do need motivation right now. I remember one friend told me that I'm weird but my weirdness is okay because I tend to surprise people with the things I'm capable of and I was also surprised of that about myself too. When she said that to me, I miss that part of myself where I try to prove to myself and to other people the things I can do. I miss being inspired, motivated, and driven. I miss the energy and adrenaline pushing me to do things.

Now, I'm loose. I am confused and lost. I'm still trying to figure out where I'm heading. I'm still searching for a form of motivation or inspiration. I want that kind of motivation back in my life again because I want to be proud of myself more. I don't want to feel helpless or reckless. I don't want to self-destruct anymore.

I don't want to stray further.

I want to get back on track.

So there you have it. I think I just summarized the happenings of my life so far. Either that or I might be forgetting more details but I can't write them anymore because I can't remember or think anymore of what to add here.

I really suck at ending my posts. I miss writing though. I miss writing poems and scripts. All I need is inspiration so I'll just keep on looking.

Thank you for staying and reading all these blubbering from my mind.

Sincerely,

Zepp

If the World Will End...

Forgive the overwhelmingly negative post (if you think it's a pessimistic entry) and the inconsistencies if there are.

***

December 21st, 2012. We all know the date. Some of the population fear this date while some don't and others just don't care. Me? I'm sort of between the latter two. What will happen on this specific day, you may ask? You may have heard a lot of theories about the possible events on this day so I won't dwell on this subject now. Besides, I'm not here to discuss the "apocalypse" itself.

There's this horror film I watched a few months ago which is now one of my all-time favorites. There's this particular scene in the film where our hero and heroine let the world end and the heroine said that "it's time to give someone else a chance." I can't tell their names and the film's title because what I just said here is a BIG SPOILER, as you can see with the capitalized letters. With this being said, I am sort of agreeing with what they think about the world ending and their reason why they should just end it instead of saving mankind.

I can't tell specifically how much faith I still have for our kind but all I know is that it's below the middle or the appropriate amount of faith if there's such a thing. Not being a pessimist here. I'm just saying because of the things I see lately.

You see, the world today has collapsed. You may not see it with your eyes but if you actually process the things you see, you may arrive at the same conclusion as mine. Stupidity and absurdity have dominated and overshadowed intelligence, practicality, and rationality. Some of us are surrounded by madness and violence while others are clouded with materialism, power, and pride.

Sadly, there's this news in Connecticut where a 20-year old shooter killed 27 people that includes 20 children, and then shot himself. Violence has taken its toll and innocence is an unfortunate victim in this incident.

Also, our priorities are messed up and it has reached the below zero level of absurdity where we prioritize the smallest endeavors that have no lifetime effect instead of bigger challenges and things that give us a chance to turn their lives around.

We spend too much time worrying about what to share on our social networking accounts. We also ponder and wallow too much with the affections of others when we should be reflecting about how we should live our lives. "There's more to life than love," as what one local celebrity said. We think too much of how we look good in the eyes of others instead of feeling good about ourselves. We also pour our time too much on the thoughts of trying to fit in the wrong kind of people, more specifically, the zombies who prey on your self-identity or individuality.  By the way, take note of the word "too much" there before you say anything.

Basically, we lament and reflect on the wrong priorities. Well, I don't want to consider them as priorities because they are not really a necessity and what I mean with necessity is that a necessity that has a lifetime impact like the basic needs. I guess you all know Carl Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. There are also BIGGER THINGS we should worry about like making our world a better place to live in and making our lives worthwhile besides the basic necessities.

These points aside, I agree that it's time to give someone (or something) else a chance. Humanity, we have plunged into a deeper darkness. It will be hard to get out unless all of us will cooperate. The world might need new and better caretakers of the planet and history needs a new era of lesser shame and brighter future because this era has gone bleak.

Now before I end this, let me leave you with a question.

Is humanity still worth saving for?

Social Apocalypse

A little heads up! This post somewhat contains satirical content. If you don't know what satirical or satire means, look it up. Ask the good old dictionary or even the ever so reliable Google for help.

***

December 21, 2012 - it is the prophesied date by the Mayans that deals with the end of the world. But what do they mean with the "end of the world"? Will it be about tsunamis, asteroids, tornadoes, and volcanoes? Probably. And that's what almost all the people think when they hear that phrase. But in my opinion, I think it's a different apocalypse.

Yeah. I may be in denial or maybe I don't believe in prophecies and shit but I am starting to come up with a plausible and possible scenario of an apocalypse that the Mayans (and almost all of us) have feared of. What am I talking about?

Well, I'm referring to the earth's social apocalypse or to make things simple, the downfall of society. No, there won't be any manifestation of the undead... yet. There will be no wastelands and ruins of cities in this particular scenario I'm thinking of. But I'm talking about people being too simple-minded and people being consumed by consumerism, capitalism, materialism, and all other negative "-isms" you can think of. I'm also talking about art and culture being ignored and set aside because people nowadays prefer to see, hear, and experience garbage and shit in the form of popular culture.

Another point is about how most people's minds shrink down until the shrinking kills their maximum thinking capacity. People may not think critically anymore and they will just obey whatever the mainstream media dictates to them. Hence, they become social zombies.

Once people lay their eyes on too much shallowness and stupidity in the media, they become infected with the mind-shrinking parasites they have acquired from the idiot box or most stations and sites on the radio and the internet, and slowly but surely, the parasites consume their minds and they will become apathetic to the things they should be prioritizing about like education, health, art and culture, and maybe politics.

Is there a possible cure and prevention? There is a possibility for a cure and for ways of prevention. The ways of prevention are: first, switch off your damn televisions if you're watching too much stupidity. Second, don't believe everything and anything you see, hear, and read online or on television or on the radio and even from persons YET. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt before you believe in certain things. The third way is to have an open mind and not absorb everything. Learn how to filter thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. Eat, digest, and swallow if you think it's nice and sensible but spit if it's stupid, disgusting, shallow, and just plain shitty. For the cure, well, smack the bejesus out of the infected individual or kick his or her ass.

If all else fails, stay away from them and keep your sanity and reality in place. Don't let the zombies infect you or else, you'll lose yourself along the hoards of no-brainers. Keep thinking and live your life the way you want it to be. If you heed my advice, you'll be fine. And finally, about those infected, keep them quarantined and keep them away from the uninfected global population.

Innocence Lost?

First of all, forgive me for writing another nostalgic post but don't worry. This is not purely about nostalgia, okay? On to the business...

***

When I look back in my childhood, I usually see kids running around in the streets as they play tag, play with their toys, and even just laugh about their jokes or one of their friends' contagious laughs. I mean, we all have or had that friend who has a very contagious laugh. I also used to see kids riding in their bikes and just, you know, being themselves and acting in their age.

Now, when I look at kids today, I can't help but compare my times to theirs and I think that my childhood might not be what I wanted but at least, I got to experience the great outdoors and running around unlike kids today who are inside the comforts of their homes with gadgets in their hands. Most of the kids I see are not very active anymore and they don't get the chance to explore the world outside themselves. I can still see some kids running around the streets but I think I can count them with the fingers of my hands and feet.

Comparing the kids before and now, I realized that the kids today don't possess this particular innocence that kids before have. They don't actually act like children I used to know before. Before, we whine and cry to our parents because they won't let us out and play with our playmates. Kids these days now wallow because they don't have their PSPs or their cell phones or they're not allowed to play on the computer.

I know that parents are just keeping their children inside their houses to keep an eye on them but seriously... it's better to let them out in the open so that they'll have their chance to explore and experience the things they will never experience once they step into adulthood. Trust me. They might not realize it now but they will realize it when they grow up and it'll be hard for them in adjusting with their lives especially those who are sheltered too much.

One thing that I also noticed that is missing today is the sense of appreciating small things. Kids today beg for their parents to buy them their very own handheld gadget or even cell phone unlike in my childhood or in most adults today's childhood where when our parents allow us to go outside and play after finishing our school assignments and chores, it's like we claimed our victory and freedom in our hands as we ran outside and meet up with our friends.

You might think that I can't move on with my childhood or whatever but from the looks of things, I say that we might be going down because the innocence of the children today are being extinguished by superficial and materialistic things. We might be killing the children's initiative to learn and explore because of too much sheltering.

When I hear the word "youth" before, innocence usually comes into my mind but now... I don't know anymore. I just hope that in some ways, the innocence will be restored in the next generation of children despite the advances in technology and in the environment and in the necessities.

If I ever become a parent, I'll let my children explore and I will not kill their innocence. Of course, I'll protect them with all my might but I won't shelter them too much because for me, it'll be nice to open my children's mind as early as their childhood to prepare them for the things they'll encounter when they finally reach the stage of adulthood.

Do Something

A little heads up: if this blog post offends anyone, it means you're guilty. Thank you and happy reading. :)

When disaster strikes, we all suffer. But why does it feel so inevitable to blame someone or some group or something for what happened? Is it so hard to put down your pointing fingers and start to incorporate ourselves in this mess that we are also responsible for?

I keep hearing the same statements when calamities happen like "blame the government", "blame the president", and this particular statement is the newest and I consider the most absurd, "blame the RH Bill supporters! It's their fault God is mad at us and unleashed His wrath on us."

Before you assume that I'm something I'm not, let me first clarify  this: I believe in God but I don't believe in most of the people because they are too ignorant and close-minded. I mean, come on. Blame those who support a bill? That is a bunch of crap. The last thing I need is people demanding a virgin to be sacrificed to God to stop the disasters from striking and that takes us back to being ancient which is actually inappropriate for the time being.

Going back, everyone has a share of his or her responsibility in this mess. Let it be the government, let it be Catholics, let it be simple people. What happened is our fault. It's our responsibility. Even I have my share in this mess just like everyone else. And guess what have we failed to do that led us to this predicament? What is it, you may ask? Well, my dear readers, followers, and friends, we have failed to do something.

By the way, for my international readers (if there are), I'm talking about what recently happened to my place this past three days. You may have a clue where it is because of the RH Bill but if you still don't have a clue, it's the country that just got flooded because of the torrential rain that has poured down on its soil.

About my previous point, yeah, we all failed to do something that must have been done to lessen the devastation in our place. It's our nation and what happened is a reflection on how we handled and took care of our place. This is the consequence we get from doing nothing, smiling, and saying that we'll get through this. Okay. Time for a reality check. Simply smiling and saying that we'll get through this is not enough to get past this predicament or other predicaments we are currently facing and we will encounter in the future.

We have to do something, people! If you think that doing something might give you an instant effect in the surroundings, it's not. Things don't work that way. We must start small and patient because once we do something, we will notice the effects or the fruits of our labor slowly but surely. Everything in this world takes time especially if it concerns reconstruction, improvement, and development. No one can rebuild a burnt down house within a fraction of a second or even a day. You have to be supernaturally powerful to do it but since this is not fiction, no one has that kind of power.

Anyway, the road to a better life has always been a little rough but we must learn how to be patient and take baby steps in this road because sometimes, once we take a huge step, we will never know what we will lose. So it's better to help our country slowly but surely especially with the help from a lot of pairs of hands.

Instead of just whining and blaming and rallying, why don't we all just do something better than those? Instead of worsening the problem and contributing to the chaos that our country is already known for, why don't we become a small part of a big paradise that will be unlock by a chain reaction of solutions and reactions?

So before I end this post, let me leave you all with a message that goes something like this:

DO SOMETHING. 

Those Were the Days

I saw this picture on 9Gag.com this morning and I can't help but to miss my childhood and feel lonely about those days. Those were really the days. Even if I did not have a generally good childhood, I enjoyed the times I go out of my house and see my friends. When we go out, we just sit and hang out under a tree near my house even at night and we just talk, make jokes, and laugh about them and we even go home at around midnight because of hanging out. Now, nothing's really funny when my friends make jokes online and through text messages. 

I know that mobile phones and social networking sites are created and developed to maintain the connection between us and our friends. I know the developers are aiming for that but unfortunately, the mass took it to a different direction. Most of us, myself included, got addicted with these innovations and relied too much from them to maintain the connection and communication. Yeah, my friends don't really have the time and all and these things help us connect to each other but we took these to a different level, a different degree of usage. We went a bit overboard because now, when I go out of my house and into the streets, I only see few kids and I can't hear any laughter or footsteps from kids chasing each other around. I bet most of them got hooked with the social networking sites and mobile phones. 

I'm not really blaming the developers for the effects because they created these innovations to help us. Mankind just got addicted to them and they are having a hard time to let go. It seems that because of the easy access to our friends to chatting and text messaging, we rely so hard on them. We have forgotten the essence of going outside and hanging out with them and just talk. We forgot about the meaning of our friends' actual presence and the true feeling of companionship and maybe what it's like to laugh out loud with all our friends' jokes and remembering all the funny and embarrassing memories. 

It looks like most kids of today will never know and enjoy the meaning and feeling of going outside and enjoy the childhood games because they will be imprisoned in their own rooms or in their houses looking at their mobile phones and computers or laptops and just sit there to waste their childhood. If I'm a parent, I would be sad for my kids if they turned into this. 

Creating My Own Pace of Life

Hey. It's Zepp with his first post for 2012-- What the hell. Who am I kidding? I thought I can do well with my new year's resolution but I sucked. Not really doing well with concentration issues for I am still distracted with my studies. Maybe it's because I really lack the motivation and I'm trying to look for one. I only have two months to go before I leave college and I am hoping to leave in one piece but there are a lot of challenges and tasks to be done before I leave.

Two months may seem so far but in today's time, it's not. People just care less of the time and bam! It's already March or whatever month they were waiting for. Like what I said in one of my blog posts last year, today's life is on the fast pace.Well I say, screw that! I can create my own pace of life, my life. It's not that I don't care about whatever's going on and it's also not that I don't care about deadlines but sometimes, I don't have to drown myself with school works and other works that needs to be done. I also want to have the full control of my time and life.

That's also one of the things I'm considering when I look for a job. I want to write but I'd love to write in a comfortable environment that has less to no distractions. I'd like not to rush with things because I have my own pace. It looks like I'm a slacker with what I'm saying but most people can understand this, right? And maybe deep within themselves, they also want this.

I don't want to complicate my life any further. Living was simple before and now, man has made ways to make life more complicated and sophisticated. As the times go by, man's needs begin to get more complex and when it has reached too much complexity, they whine about the complexity and from there, they want another change that they think can help life to be easier but once again, the cycle starts over. Usually, people try to follow this current and in the end, some managed to hold on while others got washed up and left behind or maybe ended up somewhere else. Those who remain in the drift might end up like those who were "lost" but those who got out of the current sooner may end up creating their own lifestyle and be the captain of their own boat.

Me? I want to get lost in the waves and just start anew but I think that's a bit soon to say since I don't have any foundation yet to start one. *sigh* But if I really do get the chance to do this, I will take it and leave. By the way, I am still planning on fulfilling my new year's resolution even if it's already been 16 days since 2012 came. I will really fulfill my list. I just need to concentrate and not lose track of what I'm doing. Take a deep breath and go on.

New Year's Resolution and a Look Back to 2011

2011, like I said in some social networking site, has been a very tumultuous year for me. A lot has happened. Obviously. The year can possibly be summarized through my blog posts here but there are still events I left out here because some are too big while some are too small to matter. Many memories will be treasured and many memories will be thrown away. I had quite a lot of experiences this year and most of these experiences changed and rocked the way I lived my life yet I still have so many things to go through and understand to grow up.

There are times I am very proud of what I've become. There were these times I've never felt happy of what I've done to myself and the things I have achieved this year though I achieved a little. There were also the times where I regret all my failures due to cowardice and of course, the awkwardness of the situation to me which most or maybe all of you may not understand. These were the times where I want to hit myself very hard in the head or bump my head so hard on the wall that I die instantly due to severe head trauma and hemorrhage. Yeah. I am that hard to myself.

I also became free this year and learned a lot of things from living away from home. I also met a lot of people and experienced the things I never experienced when living at home because of this newly-gained freedom. (It's not really new anymore.) I know I sounded like a child who just got out of its crib for the first time but I treasure this freedom because I know it will help me more in understanding the things I'll experience when I finally left the comforts of my house and my parents.

2011 is a very emotional year for me as evident with "Breaking Down" posts. I have never cried this many in the previous years and yeah, I cry! Okay! It may be too sensitive for me to cry but come on, I can still break down, you know.

Anyway, if you wish to look back on what has happened to my 2011, you can do so with the chronicles while I move on to my second part of this post which is my new year's resolution. I am taking this chance and time to write something long and meaningful to say goodbye and leave all the troubles of 2011 behind and wave hello to the New Year, to 2012. Maybe it'll take time for my first post for 2012 because I'll be focusing on my studies now. (Please let me focus...)

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION:

1. I have already mentioned the first one above which is to focus on my studies. I am literally shaken with what's happening to me in the academic part of my life. Looks like I had too much fun. It's really time to put my game face on.
2. To really concentrate on studying, I'll reduce my time on the Internet. Social networking sites have been a distraction to me. I always end up procrastinating on Facebook and rushing with my homework. I must be really really sad with my life right now knowing that I spend too much time on Facebook. 
3. Think before I act. I know I don't want to think too much but of course, I have to think fast right now for we live in a world with a fast pace and acting without thinking can be reckless so I have to plan and consider my actions before doing them. Reckless actions cost a lot of things like time and money.
4. Think before I feel. Another reason for distraction is the emotions. They can really be a pain, a hindrance to my goals for the day, for the week, for the month, and maybe for the year. Sometimes, I don't want to feel for a while to get me going and growing. 
5. Of course, I must consider the things I take or intake. I must start living healthy. Enough said.
6. I'll stay away from peer pressure now. I'm not blaming anyone for anything. I just think it'll be nice if I can be on my own for now to focus on what I should be doing. It's time to get serious.
7. When opportunity knocks, take it. Of course, I don't have to take every opportunity that is presented. I have to choose these opportunities that will interest me and help me in every way to grow up and learn something from the chances. 
8. Manage my time. Having a messy time management does not get me anywhere and it does not bode well at all. If I feel lazy for doing something, I need to kick myself in the ass and move it because time during the second semester is really moving frakking fast. If I procrastinate, everything will be pushed back and they all will become major setbacks. I need to slap myself to snap out of it.
9. I should learn how to let go. Reflecting on my past failures is helpful but not wallowing on them. I should just learn how to move on and forget because as a new day unfolds, there's a chance for redemption. Every day is a new clean slate to start over.

If I ever forgot something, I'll just add them here. If I fail to fulfill even one of these things, I need a psychological evaluation. It's been a very long post and once again, 2012 draws nigh in almost 23 or 24 hours so I say and greet in advance a happy new year to all.

About to E-X-P-L-O-D-E

I'm emotionally on the verge of cracking up right now. It is weird that I always get cranky and sometimes, I end up doing something reckless and shitty that it reaches to the point of regret. What I'm going through right now may look like hell to me but it is still petty to adults. It's nothing to them because they all say they've been there and they've done it but that's beside the point.

My head is spinning and I am getting restless. You have been reading the same old whines over and over again and this time, I'm this close to exploding. This frakking close. I am shutting down. My mind is shutting down and I am not liking this. Who does? I guess I had too much happiness that my mind is finally getting lazy.

But why now? Why this semester? It's already the last semester of my college life and I'm frakking shutting down. I could totally use some time alone to think and maybe a day with someone to talk to. I think I can't talk to my best friend as we have this tendency to set the atmosphere into something heavy and too serious that I can't bear.

I want to talk to someone who can enlighten me without thinking of anything like what I'm going through is ridiculous to that person. I want to talk to someone who can assure to me that everything will really be okay without giving too much advice and bombarding my head with it. I want to be relaxed when I talk to this someone. I want to lean my head on her shoulder and if and when I cry, I want her to hug me and let me cry while I still can.

Maybe it's finally time I should get a girlfriend. A real one. I can use some other form of happiness here.

Ironic

It's ironic that though the Christmas break is coming and everyone's excited, I'm not even that excited because I know I'll have little time to rest. It's ironic that people in my home are having fun celebrating the feast day of our hometown's patron while my face looks cynically blank.

It's ironic that the things that makes us weak in the present will make us stronger in the future. Sometimes, it's also ironic that when I talk to my best friend, I thought things will get lighter but unfortunately, it gets heavier and more dramatic.

It's also ironic that even if I love the ironies of life, it still hurts me deeply. I can laugh about it but it takes time though. I want to take a rest from this pain, from this ordeal. I want to escape, even for a day, somewhere quiet.

My posts are getting redundant once again. No need to remind me. I guess I should take a break from all this. Focus on something else. Let me breathe for heaven's ass' sake.

The Blame Game

The efforts of us students are not enough to enhance our knowledge. An additional push from mentors is also needed to give students the motivation to study. But from what I'm seeing, it's all going down. I don't know who I should blame but there are three things or sides I've come up.

First is the school. The school may have a diverse roster of faculty who practice what they are supposed to teach but there are instances where a practitioner can't communicate what he or she is supposed to teach. I don't know if he or she is somewhat forced to teach a subject because the school's faculty is not enough. What I mean is the school lacks mentors who are good in their fields and can properly teach what they know.

We then have the mentors. There are a few mentors who have that kind of quality in my realm. That one good quality that I mentioned above by the way. Some just know how to talk the talk but they have little to no experience of the application of what they teach and it goes to a situation where the mentor just rambles on and on but he or she is not making any sense at all.

There are times when mentors just find ways or events to cite examples of what they are supposed to elaborate. Some mentors rely too much on books to guide them. What about what they actually know about the subject?

Of course, who can forget about mentors who have no idea what to do at all? What's worse is that they hold the students' fates to finish education but they are not doing anything except for wasting time and air and making students' lives miserable. It sucks that they are the ones to be looked up to but some of them act like they don't. It's just disappointing.

And we finally have the students. Of course, we have a role in this game of blame. Most of us are focusing too much on, I don't know, the social aspect of college. It's like we're still breathing in the same air of high school. I know it's good to make connections and stuff but we don't have to neglect the privilege to learn and pick up new knowledge that is vital to the next chapter of our lives which unfolds after graduation. (What I said also pierced my mind.) We need this push from our mentors but we also need to push ourselves if their push is not enough. If you can't be motivated by your mentor, find motivation somewhere else.

I know this rant may offend some people. If it doesn't, well, it's nice because it's not meant to offend someone. I just want to wake myself up because I'm in an academic mess and I hope this will be my eye-opener or something.

Life on the Fast Pace

The world is moving fast, sometimes, a little too fast that there's no more time to take a deep breath. People are always in a hurry and usually, it affects their decision making. Most of the people I see are deciding based on impulse. There's no more room for thinking even for a few seconds. It is just sad that the world acts like this today.

I know that it's like this because of the fast improvements and innovations and such but it doesn't mean that we have to move ourselves fast. Life is already too short. Sometimes, we have to take life one day at a time and not one hour at a time. How can we live our lives to the fullest if we hurry? Think about it.

There's no need to rush everything. No need to say everything all at once. It's alright to sit for a moment, think and reflect. It is lame to most but to me, it's okay to think and ponder for a while. Think about what we've done for the whole day. Think about what we've done for our whole lives. Because someday, it's too late to see and feel the regrets about something we shouldn't have done in the past. It's too late to weep and ponder for our punishment is already behind us.

It's better to think before we act to avoid these regrets in the future. People might not catch this drift because they have their own pace. Let's leave it at that. If they have their pace, so do you.

Halloween

It's the 31st of October right now and we all know what is going on today. It's Halloween. Yay. It's the day where fear is finally celebrated and ghouls and other supernatural entities are glorified to some extent... unless you're in a cult that worships something that can threaten mankind to its extinction. (Forgive my sick imagination.)

It only comes once a year just like Christmas but unlike Christmas, people here in my place are not preparing for it so I can't really feel the presence of Halloween. With Christmas, people are already excited as September approaches and Christmas is still three damn months away! I can already hear Christmas songs playing in malls and on the radio as early as September. Ugh. "Not now" is the sentence that pops in my head when I hear Christmas songs that early. I know. I'm being a killjoy but please. Not now.

It sucks that Halloween is never felt here. October 31st is just like Christmas Eve here where everyone has no work or classes but there's nothing much going on at night in most areas except when you're living in some high-standard village or if your place even cares to celebrate such holiday.

Instead, we celebrate a holiday called All Saints' Day on November 1st. It's part of our tradition to go to cemeteries on that day and spend the whole day honoring the memories of those who once lived. Candles and flowers on the dead's tombstone. Families on their tents eating and chatting. That is what the cemeteries look like every 1st of November. Most people enjoy it, I guess. But for me, it's getting a little boring lately. It's been the same people I've been seeing since I was young. There's nothing in hell that I can do except to wait for the night to come to make my companions pack up and call it a day.

When we get home, we light a candle outside our home once again in honor of the dead and that's about it. That's how we celebrate Halloween here. It's a little lame in my opinion but that's the way it is here.

Love

It will almost be a month since Valentine's Day has passed and love still lurks around me. I've been seeing a lot of people falling in love. Some are trying to get their feelings noticed and some are trying to hide it. Whatever. Their feeling is still love. But me? What about me and love? Haha. Nothing. I'm just a spectator and I watch how things unfold.

But I'm also human because I have this recurring thought in my mind. It's a stupid one so why mention it. Anyway, when we celebrated my sister's birthday back then, my younger brother brought his girlfriend along to celebrate with us. My aunt is also there and she saw them all happy and looking all couple-ish. Then she looked at me and said, "They look so happy." I nodded. She asked me, "why don't you get a girlfriend?" It was like a slap in my face. I admit it opened my eyes somehow. But what the hell. I have a lot of things to think about and besides, who would've want to be my girlfriend? Enough with my dead love life.

Okay. I'm also admitting that I somehow want to have an experience of a relationship with someone I really like and understand. I want to know what it feels like holding a girl's hand while walking and being all mushy and laughing at some lame jokes and such. Yes. I'm getting cheesy but I really want to try or maybe, finally enter the world of couples. If and only if I found this one girl. 

Constructing Act II

This is the only Wednesday that I got some rest. Lucky that I managed to make some time for myself to do some school works like writing a sequence treatment for Act II of my concept in RTV. Unlucky that I got myself a group that seems unreliable when it comes to tasks. Actually, one is okay. She gives ideas but she can be lazy though. The other... Meh. I can't say one word about it. I know that they also have other problems in other subjects but they must not forget that I, too, have problems of my own and this is one of them.

Do I have the right to be mad?
Yes.

Can I make the necessary actions to give sanctions?
I'm still thinking about it but I am willing to drop them.

I'm really pissed off from the start that I got them as my co-writers. I wish I can exchange them for someone that is actually into the genre of my concept. I have a feeling that we'll get lost and lose the original direction that I'm planning to take my concept on.

If they ever got the chance to read this and hate me for it, I'll live.

If all else fail...

'Tis my first post here. You can sense the enthusiasm inside. I'm not new to the world of blogging because I have another blog in Wordpress but I'm new to the idea of blogging itself because in Wordpress, I post my poems there but since no one bothered to read, I stopped posting. And I also haven't written any poems lately. But that's beside the point.

It's a tough and insane life for a college student. Balancing life at home and school with some work-related issues on them is killing me as of now. My lifestyle has drastically changed since the start of the second semester. I've turned into a slacker somehow, lazier than usual and I hate it. I hate being unproductive. I hate the fact that I got carried away by the atmosphere. I hate it. And now, if I fail to recover... If I fail to get up... If all else fails, these are the things I'll possibly do:

1. Learn how to play the drums and be a drummer in a band.

2. Take up and focus on film making. That will spare me from all that Drama.

3. Take up BS Psychology since it really was my first choice of course.

4. Take up BS Criminology in some decent university.

So far, these are what I have in mind.

Dorm Life and Other Shenanigans: Volume 1

Yes. You read it here. Dorm life. I've always wanted to move in a dormitory and I am hoping that this will materialize this coming summer vacation for my internship.

I looked for some of my mates to join me. One has backed out and the other is still on hold. So far, I've asked two people since others live near and others are uninterested, I guess.

Why do I want to live in a dorm? I have a lot of reasons actually.

1. I want to focus my mind on academics. 
2. I don't want to be distracted. Who does?
3. I can learn a lot of things in living in a dorm like budgeting and cooking. I admit I'm a newbie in cooking.
4. When I got home, instead of doing my homework, I always end up getting drowsy and waking up too early to make them. Maybe by living in a dorm, I can still make my homework at night without getting all drowsy and stressing myself early in the morning.
5. Living in a dorm means no more possible all-nighters for me.
6. I could use some time off from my family and some of my friends once in a while. Not that I hate them or anything. I just want to try and see what it looks like. 
7. If there are meetings in the university, I can simply pop my ass without waking up too early.

Does that look like a lot? I don't think so and I apologize for that.

Onto my second point.

I've been juggling my head in a lot of subjects. Thank you professors for making me notice that it is the final term of the semester. Lots of subjects have been giving a lot of homework lately so that means no more goofing around for me. But why do I keep on lazing around? I guess I need my ass to be kicked or my eyes to be opened because I'm in some major sh*t. I need to recover. 

I finally deactivated my Facebook account although it'll only be temporary as long as all the sh*tstorm has passed. I hope that temporarily deactivating my account will be a start in my recovery. By the way, for those who know me and are my friends there, you can reach me through text. Y'all know my number. 

Then, there are my two Drama subjects which by the way I don't want to spend my lifetime on because I don't want to be in the performing arts like Theater. Not my style. I'd focus on film making and writing instead. Drama has been taking over my short attention span. I hope they realize I have other subjects to work on. Damn it.

There's also my scriptwriting class. I enjoy this subject not only because of the professor but I really like writing. The problem I'm facing in this subject is the group work where we are divided into groups of three and we have to develop a film script from our concepts. I got so damn "lucky" with my groupmates. Fortunately, one is functioning well with giving ideas while the other is, I don't know, careless? Happy-go-lucky? I wish I can exchange a member from another group. There are others who are willing to help me.  

Well I guess I made my point for now but if this is not enough, I can't shove it into their minds.

That would be rude.