My Own Saga: Misplaced Affections in the Smoke

Dear friend,

As it turned out, my plan did not work out. Well, it wasn't set into motion actually but it's not because of me this time. I tried to communicate with the person I'm trying to reach out. I tried to settle my matters but looks like my efforts were in vain and perhaps, they were ignored. Maybe I am too late or maybe I'm desperate as one of my friends said.

Maybe the feelings died or maybe there's nothing at all.

I don't know the real reason.

Should I still go after it or should I let it go?

I'm almost near in finally having an answer to that question and it's leaning towards the latter. It's obvious that that person doesn't want to see me at all so why bother although I also thought that I should try at least to say what I feel for that person but this time, the personal way won't happen for a long shot so I might tell it through Facebook or through text messaging or any form of electronic communication.

But it sucks, you know? It sucks because there might be no feeling of sincerity or reality if I send a message saying that I like that person. But what can I do? That person won't make time so I'll really rely on the resources I have to get that message across though I have to really think about saying it or just bury it inside me. If I keep it, the feeling might resurface. If I say it, there's a strong chance I can finally let go if nothing still happens after getting that message across. At least, I won't wallow if I don't get the desired outcome because I know that the chances are slim for me.

On another note, I've been hanging out with my friends and I introduced hookah to them a month ago which they enjoyed. My siblings introduced that to me before I showed it to my friends. At first, it was okay but a few weeks later, I think it triggered one of my friends to start smoking. As of last Sunday, he consumes one pack of cigarettes a day and I'm worried.

I never thought that he was a smoker. He never told us he smoked during his high school or college days. I presumed he was a non-smoker but when he smoked for the first time in front of my friends (I was absent that time), another friend told me he smokes as if he already knew how to smoke before.

Last Sunday, I tried smoking too. I had a stick and I don't know if I liked the feeling or not but I ended up having a headache when I went home after our hookah session at a coffee shop. The menthol flavor felt like it's piercing my throat. But at least, I finally tried it and I now know what it feels like when smoking. I don't know if I'll try it again in the future but let's hope I won't because I really don't like its side effects.

What else... I have a week off that started last Sunday and it'll just be until Friday because the lead actress of the show I'm employed at had another shoot for another show so she's not available for our scheduled shooting days. I'll be heading back to the location this Saturday.

I'm actually having a good time during the shoots for that particular show I'm in. The people there are really awesome to work with. They're actually funny and when it's serious, they're also really serious as that's how we're supposed to act during work. I'm okay with the compensation because it's the experience that counts anyway.

Well, that's it. Thank you for your time in reading this. I don't mean to blurt this all out here but I just want to let it out so thanks.

Sincerely,

Zepp

My Own Saga: Trial and Error

Dear friend,

It's already the month of June. I left my job two months ago. Well, it's not really a smooth farewell but I got out. I was busy for two weeks last month. And then, I will be busy again starting this Saturday and will last for 18 days. Thankfully, it's not consecutive because the key people have other things to do on our vacant days.

Yes. I've been busy since I got out of my previous job. I think I'm slowly getting out of my shell somehow but I still feel I lack a lot. I need to grow some balls to be precise. There's this feeling of being incomplete inside myself and it somehow kills my mood whenever it passes by my mind and I also get distracted because of it.

I'm starting to experience new things ever since I chose this new path but I still think I'm missing out a lot on life. People think I'm getting old and I think so too but I still haven't experienced a real relationship. (Don't get me wrong on this one. I'm not like one of those teenagers who's dying to have a relationship, okay?) I almost had one but then I got cold feet. I know. You want to slap me to wake and put some sense in me but it's all done and I've learned the error of my ways or I'm still learning on it at least. But I'm not here to whine and wallow about my cold feet. I want to pour this certain thing out of my mind.

You see, there's this one person I admire but I don't know if this person still likes me or not because back in senior year, this person said "I like you" to my in a shy way. Of course, I was shocked and awkwardly expressed my gratitude but this person doesn't know I also have a mutual feeling for that person but I wanted to make sure if the feeling is real or not. Until now... But I endured a year with that person. Graduation came and we went our separate ways.

Then, there's this one day in a few months after graduation that I was strolling in a random mall when I saw a former classmate. We chat for I think an hour to catch up and then, I suddenly brought up the revelation because from what I remember, my classmate was a witness to the incident back then so I asked her if she thinks the revelation is sincere or a fraud and she thinks it's the latter.

I've been trying to reconnect to that particular person but we seldom see each other and this person also has a knack of cancelling plans in the last minute due to some reasons. I know I have to understand the reasons but it doesn't have to cancel when I always invite that person so I of course think there is avoidance going on.

I'm still plagued by the revelation and when we finally see each other, I want to know the truth and if I'm given a chance to start something from there, I'd like to try that even if it's odd. Anyway, it's okay to make some mistakes in your first relationship if it will go down like that, right? But let's not hope it will end up like that although there's a 80% chance I'll get rejected anyway because I think I'm below this person's standards and we have little in common.

I told my friends about this predicament and they think I have strong feelings for that person so they agreed that what I'm planning to do will really help me and if things go okay from there, they'll support me because I'm a newbie. But I won't assume that we'll be together. No.

So there. That's my current status and predicament these days. I hope things will work out and if not, it's okay just to say what I have to say and ask what I need to ask from that person. I've prepared myself for the outcomes anyway so I'll be good. So sorry if you think I ended this abruptly. It's just that I think this is all I have in my mind right now so I'll be leaving on this note. Anyway, thank you for reading and understanding.

Sincerely,

Zepp

P.S. To that person,

If you're reading this (in which I think there's a slim chance you'll even visit this site), if we see each other, please don't get awkward on me when I say what I have to say. I won't spill it here because it'll just kill my plan. I hope to see you soon. Thank you. 

The Evil Dead Experience

When we hear the word "remake" in films, there's a strong chance we flinch because we usually think remaking an original movie kills the spirit of the original film. But from the looks of Evil Dead which is a remake/reboot/loose sequel in the Evil Dead franchise, you won't think that way. Or at least I did not. 

Evil Dead is about five friends at a cabin in the woods when evil is unleashed and forces them to fight for their lives. Mia (Suburgatory's Jane Levy) is a drug addict who decides to go cold turkey and her brother David (Red Riding Hood's Shiloh Fernandez), his girlfriend Natalie (newcomer Elizabeth Blackmore), their friends David (Thumbsucker's Lou Taylor Pucci) and Olivia (Cloverfield's Jessica Lucas) are with her for support and reinforcements. Then the Book of the Dead is discovered and shit starts coming down and the evil forces around the cabin begin possessing them one by one. 

When people first learned about an Evil Dead remake, the fans of the original cried for no remake because they want this one untainted but producers Sam Raimi (director of the Evil Dead trilogy), Rob Tapert, and Bruce Campbell (Ash Williams of the original trilogy) made sure that fans of the original films and incoming new fans will love this remake and they carefully picked a director for their baby. It looks like they nailed it because Fede Alvarez took this film to a whole new level of carnage and gore. By the way, Evil Dead is Alvarez's feature film debut. 

Fede Alvarez wanted the film to be ultra bloody and brutal and you got it. But he didn't do it haphazardly. The new Evil Dead doesn't look like a bloody B-movie. NO. It's actually well made. It's also relentless when the horror begins and even though this new version removes the absurd and dark humor of the trilogy, Alvarez managed to keep the bizarre feel which is one of the essences of the original trilogy (I think I'll stop here for the comparisons between this and the original). 

The calm before the storm

Additionally, he wanted the film to be CG-free. It was revealed in interviews and set reports that all of the effects in the film are practical effects and the crew researched on magic tricks and illusions to perhaps cover them up and they did an awesome job at keeping the effects as practical and cringe-worthy as possible. The film was also shot beautifully and I think that the cinematography looks glossy and yet, there's still this feel of grittiness which is enhanced by the set design.

Worst hangover ever?

I have to commend the actors for doing a great job and for taking on this film because they are all willing to get dirty and bloody which is an indicator that as an actor, you care for the film you're working on. I learned from one of Jane Levy's interview that she really has to be buried alive in once scene and she did it even though of course, being buried alive is not a comfortable feeling while working.

Feast on this, motherfucker! - Mia

Speaking of Jane Levy, I think she is the standout among the five leads. Her portrayal of the junkie Mia brings a whole new level of depth and edge to the character and her moments of terror and redemption.

And the characters here are not just for body count. When they die, you won't feel empty. There's a possibility that you'll feel bad for the characters because they don't actually fill the stereotypical slut, jock, and virgin roles. They're not there to have a good time. They're there to support Mia as she tries to recover from her addiction. I actually felt bad for them especially this one character which I won't give out obviously to avoid spoiling the film.

For the fans of the original trilogy, the film has a lot of references for them to discover. If you're a fan of the films, prepare to hunt for easter eggs in stor for you as the film pays a lot of homage and tributes to the trilogy. And for those whose attentions were caught by the trailers, trust me, the trailers did not spoil anything at all. There are still surprises you have yet to see in Evil Dead and they are really, really worth the wait especially AFTER THE CREDITS.

My only concerns for the new film are one: there are some inconsistencies in the plot and two: it's not really the most terrifying film like they said it would be.

In the end, the new Evil Dead will win hearts of genre fans, gore hounds, and fans of the franchise because they'll get what they came for: gore, shocks, and a well-made horror remake/reboot that works and it can be an exhausting experience for the faint-hearted.

RATING: 4/5

TRAILER: 

(Trailer courtesy of YouTube and images courtesy of the red band trailer)

My Own Saga: Passion or Practicality?

Dear friend,

I haven't been active here lately because I don't have much time to write entries and I am a bit too stressed to write entries. You see, I've been busy with my job for the past two months and it'll be my third month at work next week. So how are things at work, you ask?

Well, obviously I'm a bit stressed out myself with work. Training's over and we're finally doing the job we got hired for and it's really a complicated work I must say. You might think it's easy because we only sit in front of the computer all day and do our thing but it's not as simple as that, my friend. Oh no. It's just mind-splitting most of the time. (I can't specify what I do there.)

I also think I'm still not used to the night life myself.  Alive by night, asleep by day. I just can't get used to that. As a result, I am always sleepless or I don't have enough sleep everyday and because of that, I am always restless, a bit jumpy, and I am prone to mood swings. Not the dangerous ones though, just the normal mood swings but people find it weird somehow because of how easy my mood changes. I am not bipolar or something. I am just moody or maybe cranky.

Because of my job, I don't have much time for myself too. Not enough time to rest and recuperate from the stress. Not enough time to relax. Not enough time to be with my family and friends. I miss out on a lot of things in their lives and I don't want that to go on for a long time.

I know you must think and you want to ask why did I even take this job in the first place if I'll whine like this right now. I have my reasons back then and all I can say right now is that it's like an experiment or trial and error if I describe it more accurately. I don't feel any regret of getting hired there to be honest. It's just that I had these realizations too early.

I've been looking for a new job lately because I realized this early how mundane my work is and I think I feel like a junkie with my lifestyle. I am not a quitter, okay? It's just that I felt this early that I am going nowhere with this and I need to be in the field I am really acquainted with and I need to apply the skills I acquired in my 4 years of college education. Because in my current job, I can't apply these skills. Obviously.

And now, there's this opportunity I want to take. It's a 5-day job in a film production. Why five days? Because they only have five straight days to shoot the film and I guess it'll be one long and exhausting shoot but that's how things work in a film production especially in an independent film production because you only have limited budget and resources and you can't afford to waste so much money with the budget you have on your hand for production.

Anyway, my point and my problem here is should I stay or should I go. Should I take this opportunity that comes sparsely or should I stay and wait for the right time to get out of my work permanently?

If I take this chance, I'll miss a week of work but I am satisfied because I will learn a lot of things from the production especially since it's one of my fields during college. I'll probably get the fire or creative passion back in me again.

 If I stay, however, then it'll just be the same mundane days where I'll whine for some segments of that day and wait for Friday night to come to feel better and it's on repeat until I decided to throw the towel.

This is a conflict of passion and practicality. Which do I choose? An opportunity where I might earn little money but I'll learn and get a lot of things out of it or a job so mundane but the compensation is a bit higher than the former though it's still a bit too low for general people's standards? And I only have today to decide because the production starts tomorrow.

I hope that with the decision I make later, I won't somehow lose myself in regret (or I think it'll happen if I choose to stay.)

Sincerely,

Zepp

My Own Saga: Appreciations

Dear friend,

I had a dream two days ago. I and a significant girl were in a building. I think we were inside our university in my dream. Then suddenly, she just cried and I hugged her to comfort her. At first, it was awkward because we are not exactly in good terms for a while and even until now. But in that dream, I just want to hug her and make her feel better. Then I woke up after that.

I know that dreams sometimes communicate what the subconscious or maybe the mind itself wants to say to you and it manifests like it's bursting out of the balloon. After waking up from that dream, I realize that I think I like her and maybe, I need her after all.

This particular girl I'm talking about has been a really good friend to me during my last year of college life. Then, she revealed to me after college that she likes me. I don't know if she still does after what I did to her which I deeply regret. Anyway, she and the rest of my college friends made my college days awesome but I made a lot of awesome memories with this girl because she made me experience things I've never done before we got together and hang out.

She took me to watch foreign films for free in some mall during the summer vacation before college graduation. She introduced me to a lot of things and schools of thoughts. She gave me a deeper insight about art and life. She took me out of my shell. And the most significant and sweetest thing I have ever received from someone is that she made me feel I exist and I'm a significant person.

She accepted my flaws and understood my lunacy. 

And I think that's a rare thing to happen because I think I'm totally messed up and an emotional wreck.

I don't want this post to become an emotional one and pour out all my regrets here. I want this post to be memorable to appreciate her for all the things she did for me. I deeply regret what I did to her, for hurting her feelings to be exact and I want to redeem myself and start over with her. I think I am ready. I just hope she forgives me and we'll take things from there.

Sincerely,

Zepp

My Own Saga: Incoherent Crap

Dear friend,

We all know that emotions enhances the experience of life. It sort of gives more life to the experiences and encounters during our lives. But sometimes, emotions derail us from logic and rationality. What's worse is that I'm emotional. I'm actually too emotional for a man's standards or maybe, the ideal level of emotion for men if there's such a thing or maybe, I'm rambling on like an idiot, saying things that don't exist.

I'm having troubles reaching out to people these past two or three days. I suddenly doubt if I really belong to where I am right now or maybe I should just loosen up and open myself to others. But it seems hard especially when other people see this other side. I'm thinking too much about what happens if they see me that way. Will they just go on with their lives or will they leave me behind?

I used to think that being alone is a nice thing because it helps me think and understand more about the things I'm trying to process but when I reached the senior year of my college life, I realized that I need friends to lighten up, help me comprehend what's happening, and even give me an orientation of the things I haven't experienced in my life.

You see, I've been spending my time too much in my shelter. I give in to my fears and I hate myself for that. When I see or hear people experiencing new things or they know these things I don't, I feel bad for myself to the point of regret and beating myself up for not doing these things.

That's why I need friends these days. It's because I don't want to think too much anymore. When I think too much, I spiral down to the point of breakdown and I don't want it to happen anymore. I want to move on and get out. I want to enjoy life with other people. But because of the fear, I hesitate and pull out and I want to punch myself so bad that I almost want to hate myself for being idle and for giving in to the fear.

I apologize if this post is so incoherent that you will get lost in this mess of mine. I just want to let this out and I can't express this vocally. I always end up hesitating when saying these things out from my mouth. I just want to write these things all out. I know the effect is not really that much and I know that I think no one or only one person reads the crap I'm posting beside myself.

I just want to improve and adjust. I want to understand. I want to get out.

Please. 

Sincerely,

Zepp

My Own Saga: What's Going On?

Dear friend,

Remember my post about starting with a new job? Well, I am happy to report that I am having a good time so far.

I'm currently a trainee for the job. I am not yet a regular in the position but I'm fine with it because I'm using the training as an adjustment period for myself, especially for my body clock since the job involves a nocturnal lifestyle or in simple words, I have to stay up all night which is really new for me.

When I go to work, the sky is dark and the moon shines in the horizon. When I get out of the building, the sun is already rising and my eyes are heavy and tired. But when I reach home and my bed, I can't fall asleep easily. I still have to do things to exhaust myself for a nice and uninterrupted sleep. I'm not whining about it, okay?

Anyway, I find my co-trainees cool and awesome to hang out with. At first, there's an air of awkwardness between those who just joined in and those who already met during the job offer. But after two or three days, I think, we all sort of blend in harmoniously though there were some ripples along the way because we're still trying to read and grasp the limits of each other.

There's also no feel of competition luckily among us and it's a good thing because we are trained to work together as a team. We're not in some reality show where it's every man for himself and I find it actually cool to learn from my co-trainees too because we're all different from each other and I want to learn and experience new things from them and with them.

The training itself is a blast though I'm still grasping on some of the topics because the job I'm about to delve into is pretty new and a bit far from my field but it's okay because it would be nice to be exposed to new things. I even experienced culture shock this past week because of the information being discussed during the training.

I still have a few weeks before the training period ends and the real challenge begins so I have to make the most out of the training because I think this will be the only time where I can bond with my co-trainees freely. Because once the real work begins, our time will be squeezed and I am a bit nervous about the things that lie ahead.

I really hope I can pass the training too and hold on to this job for a long while because I really need to do something for myself and my family.

Sincerely,

Zepp