New Year's Resolution and Shit

I only have a few more minutes to accomplish this and I still don't know how I'll pull this one off. You see, 2012 has been one hell of a year for me. Most days are not dull and there are days that are indeed dull. I don't know if I learned a lot of things this year because even if I did, this crazy mind of mine keeps making me the same mistakes I want to avoid for a long time. I hate my mind. I hate it for making me do these stupid and illogical things I can't even explain to myself why I did them.

Instead of being outside, I opted to stay in my room and try to get this post over with. I have been struggling to write this post for a while now. I don't know why I can't write what I should have written a few hours before and even things I should have done before. WHOA. Where the hell did that statement come from!? See!? My mind is now playing tricks on me. I am really sorry for being unstable. Honest. I really am sorry.

I can see a lot of beautiful fireworks going off in the sky so I better get this over with now. So where should I start?

Well, first thing is the transition. I struggled to change and adjust to a lot of things and I think I have failed to adjust to most things, especially to love. I blame my unstable and messed up emotional state for this. I had a withdrawal to what is supposed to be my first significant relationship with the opposite sex and yet, I don't know if I blew it or not. I don't really know if I really like her or just admire her for who she is.

There's also the delayed adjustment from being a student to a young professional or young adult (since I still have yet to experience a job next year). I had some attempts to get my life started on being a young professional and yet, the grip seems to be weak so it somehow let me go for an immature amount of time because of some circumstances and controversies (and no, I am not involve with the controversies around).

Third and possibly last is my fragile and unstable mind state. Not just the emotional state but also my mental state. You might think I am sort of a lunatic right now. You be the judge. But I am still troubled on a lot of things that I cannot explain and enumerate what things are bothering me right now because I am distracted with the time pressure and the fireworks outside. You have to forgive and believe me. (Why am I saying this thing if there is no one reading this crap I am writing?)

Okay. I think I may have written too much about what's on my mind this concluding year. Time to move on to the next part of the post: the New Year's resolution.

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I am once again here writing a New Year's resolution that I don't know if I can accomplish all of these or maybe most of these in the coming year. But I really hope I can fulfill them without hesitations and without fear because I really could use to change. 

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION 2013

1. No more tears and fears for the new year. I don't want to hesitate on doing most things I want to do except if I know that it will lead to a mistake. I want to fully live my life without the fear of having a lot of regrets.
2. No more impulsiveness, no more recklessness. I have been too impulsive (to my idealism) this concluding year and because of this, I have become reckless and somehow irresponsible for my actions. Thus, I think of myself as immature, still and unfortunately. I don't want to be in this state anymore. I need to grow up.
3. Make responsibility an ability. In connection with the previous item, I have to responsible with my actions to avoid more regrets in the future. I have already blown some opportunities and experiences to myself. I do not want to torture myself anymore because of the regrets and stupidities.
4. Less whining, more living. For the past year, I have been whining more and living less. I failed to live my life to the fullest. So in the spirit of the new year, I will try my best to acknowledge life how it should be acknowledged and throw away the whines.
5. Be emotionally healthy.  I don't want to torture myself anymore. I don't want to be conflicted and confused because of my frail emotional state. If I need to talk to someone, I'll have to find someone from now on. I don't have to keep a lot of things to myself from here on.
6. Consideration will sometimes be an option. This item is a little weird because I am not sure of the construction of the sentence. From now on, I have to consider some of my actions especially if these actions will affect a lot of people and not only that but if they will have a huge effect in my life.
7. Love thy self. This is in connection with number five. If I need to be emotionally healthy, I must learn to accept my flaws and love myself first. 
8. Lurking is not helping. Lurking and dwelling in the past has never been helpful to anyone, not even to me. I know that a lot of people have said this to me and I should have moved on a long time ago. So in the spirit of the new year (again), I'll be leaving a lot of things behind and just embrace the new year.
9. Prove them wrong once in a while. People sometimes talk like hell that drags me down. This coming year, I would like to prove them wrong and I would love to see their faces after. It's not an issue of pride, okay?

Once again, if I forget some things, I will try to add them here later but I only have two minutes before 2012 is over so I have to get this over with.

For those who stayed with me until the end, thank you. For the new friends, it's nice to meet you and I hope to see you people more. For the people I admire, improve and stay awesome. For the people I love, I love you all eternally. 

Thank you and a Happy New Year!