Remember my post about starting with a new job? Well, I am happy to report that I am having a good time so far.
I'm currently a trainee for the job. I am not yet a regular in the position but I'm fine with it because I'm using the training as an adjustment period for myself, especially for my body clock since the job involves a nocturnal lifestyle or in simple words, I have to stay up all night which is really new for me.
When I go to work, the sky is dark and the moon shines in the horizon. When I get out of the building, the sun is already rising and my eyes are heavy and tired. But when I reach home and my bed, I can't fall asleep easily. I still have to do things to exhaust myself for a nice and uninterrupted sleep. I'm not whining about it, okay?
Anyway, I find my co-trainees cool and awesome to hang out with. At first, there's an air of awkwardness between those who just joined in and those who already met during the job offer. But after two or three days, I think, we all sort of blend in harmoniously though there were some ripples along the way because we're still trying to read and grasp the limits of each other.
There's also no feel of competition luckily among us and it's a good thing because we are trained to work together as a team. We're not in some reality show where it's every man for himself and I find it actually cool to learn from my co-trainees too because we're all different from each other and I want to learn and experience new things from them and with them.
The training itself is a blast though I'm still grasping on some of the topics because the job I'm about to delve into is pretty new and a bit far from my field but it's okay because it would be nice to be exposed to new things. I even experienced culture shock this past week because of the information being discussed during the training.
I still have a few weeks before the training period ends and the real challenge begins so I have to make the most out of the training because I think this will be the only time where I can bond with my co-trainees freely. Because once the real work begins, our time will be squeezed and I am a bit nervous about the things that lie ahead.
I really hope I can pass the training too and hold on to this job for a long while because I really need to do something for myself and my family.
As you can see, this is my first post for 2013. Hooray. But it's not really a breakthrough so we can scrap the confetti aside and just get on with the point.
For several months since my graduation, I have been struggling to get a job and stay in one. It's not that I quit so soon from my previous job because I can't handle it. There's another reason which concerns about the salary that made me stop and technically, my "job" is not really a job but more of a side project. But I enjoy my three or four months there.
The people who were my workmates were pretty nice and cool. They are all older than me and most of them have families of their own so when I work with them, there is this feel that I am their youngest brother or something. They are not really too serious because they know how to have fun and when to crack up jokes but when everyone's serious, they are all dead serious about what they're doing.
But the end inevitably came a little soon. I had to stop coming in because I was getting a bit underpaid. I am not the only one who faced this problem but every one of us within that group has that problem. The cause lies within the clients who are not paying punctually and fully.
I think they still haven't paid my workmates even after I left. I felt bad about stopping and sort of abandoning them but I can't ask my parents for travel expenses for long. I also can't ask too much from my boss there for my salary because the salary comes from his own wallet and not from the budget that was supposed to be filled up from the clients' payment.
So I stopped coming there. It was easy to get out because there's no contract involved about my work there. The only thing I signed there is a confidentiality contract about the project we worked on during my time there.
Well, looks like I told too much about one of my previous predicaments last year. Let me move on to the new deal.
I'm about to start with my new job this coming Monday and I am both excited and nervous for this one. I am excited because of a lot of new possibilities inside like new friends and new things to learn but I am also nervous if I can handle this or not. By the way, I can't tell the specifics but I can assure you that it is legal.
My friend who referred me to that job and company tells a lot of stories about her working experiences there and at first, she seems to enjoy it but as her training ends and the real nature of her job started, she slowly started to get stressed and from stories of enjoyment, her stories turned into stressful moments about the job.
I listened to her stories because I'm being a friend and she wants to let out her stress from her work but her stories affected me to the point that I question myself if I can handle the job as soon as training ends. I really hope whatever I learn during the training will stick with me for a long time.
Besides the anxiety, I am also excited like I said before because this is a fresh start for me. With a fresh start come new possibilities like new friends and new experiences. I'm also excited for the lessons I'll learn during the training. And I actually want this excitement to dominate over my anxiety. I don't want the fear to ruin this new opportunity for me.
Speaking of new opportunity, I want to take this job as a springboard or introduction for me to the concept of having a job with a decent pay. I would like to use the job to get the feel of the possible kind of environment I'll encounter in the future when it comes to offices and workplaces.
I also want to think about it as some kind of a memorable experience where even if this is not my dream job, I manage to have fun while working because of the people I will be working with in the days ahead.
I just hope I'll last long in this job and if I slip, I'll stand up and be on my feet quickly because there's no time for grasping the situation when it comes to working. You have to be fast on your feet, be flexible, and be prepared for everything that comes along the way.
Wish me luck in this new start and I wish you luck with your current and future endeavors and challenges.
I only have a few more minutes to accomplish this and I still don't know how I'll pull this one off. You see, 2012 has been one hell of a year for me. Most days are not dull and there are days that are indeed dull. I don't know if I learned a lot of things this year because even if I did, this crazy mind of mine keeps making me the same mistakes I want to avoid for a long time. I hate my mind. I hate it for making me do these stupid and illogical things I can't even explain to myself why I did them.
Instead of being outside, I opted to stay in my room and try to get this post over with. I have been struggling to write this post for a while now. I don't know why I can't write what I should have written a few hours before and even things I should have done before. WHOA. Where the hell did that statement come from!? See!? My mind is now playing tricks on me. I am really sorry for being unstable. Honest. I really am sorry.
I can see a lot of beautiful fireworks going off in the sky so I better get this over with now. So where should I start?
Well, first thing is the transition. I struggled to change and adjust to a lot of things and I think I have failed to adjust to most things, especially to love. I blame my unstable and messed up emotional state for this. I had a withdrawal to what is supposed to be my first significant relationship with the opposite sex and yet, I don't know if I blew it or not. I don't really know if I really like her or just admire her for who she is.
There's also the delayed adjustment from being a student to a young professional or young adult (since I still have yet to experience a job next year). I had some attempts to get my life started on being a young professional and yet, the grip seems to be weak so it somehow let me go for an immature amount of time because of some circumstances and controversies (and no, I am not involve with the controversies around).
Third and possibly last is my fragile and unstable mind state. Not just the emotional state but also my mental state. You might think I am sort of a lunatic right now. You be the judge. But I am still troubled on a lot of things that I cannot explain and enumerate what things are bothering me right now because I am distracted with the time pressure and the fireworks outside. You have to forgive and believe me. (Why am I saying this thing if there is no one reading this crap I am writing?)
Okay. I think I may have written too much about what's on my mind this concluding year. Time to move on to the next part of the post: the New Year's resolution.
***
I am once again here writing a New Year's resolution that I don't know if I can accomplish all of these or maybe most of these in the coming year. But I really hope I can fulfill them without hesitations and without fear because I really could use to change.
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION 2013
No more tears and fears for the new year. I don't want to hesitate on doing most things I want to do except if I know that it will lead to a mistake. I want to fully live my life without the fear of having a lot of regrets.
No more impulsiveness, no more recklessness. I have been too impulsive (to my idealism) this concluding year and because of this, I have become reckless and somehow irresponsible for my actions. Thus, I think of myself as immature, still and unfortunately. I don't want to be in this state anymore. I need to grow up.
Make responsibility an ability. In connection with the previous item, I have to responsible with my actions to avoid more regrets in the future. I have already blown some opportunities and experiences to myself. I do not want to torture myself anymore because of the regrets and stupidities.
Less whining, more living. For the past year, I have been whining more and living less. I failed to live my life to the fullest. So in the spirit of the new year, I will try my best to acknowledge life how it should be acknowledged and throw away the whines.
Be emotionally healthy. I don't want to torture myself anymore. I don't want to be conflicted and confused because of my frail emotional state. If I need to talk to someone, I'll have to find someone from now on. I don't have to keep a lot of things to myself from here on.
Consideration will sometimes be an option. This item is a little weird because I am not sure of the construction of the sentence. From now on, I have to consider some of my actions especially if these actions will affect a lot of people and not only that but if they will have a huge effect in my life.
Love thy self. This is in connection with number five. If I need to be emotionally healthy, I must learn to accept my flaws and love myself first.
Lurking is not helping. Lurking and dwelling in the past has never been helpful to anyone, not even to me. I know that a lot of people have said this to me and I should have moved on a long time ago. So in the spirit of the new year (again), I'll be leaving a lot of things behind and just embrace the new year.
Prove them wrong once in a while. People sometimes talk like hell that drags me down. This coming year, I would like to prove them wrong and I would love to see their faces after. It's not an issue of pride, okay?
Once again, if I forget some things, I will try to add them here later but I only have two minutes before 2012 is over so I have to get this over with.
For those who stayed with me until the end, thank you. For the new friends, it's nice to meet you and I hope to see you people more. For the people I admire, improve and stay awesome. For the people I love, I love you all eternally.
I am really getting consistent at being inconsistent. I have these constant headaches and maybe I get them because of thinking too much. But what am I to do? I can't stop thinking. I mean, we all have got to think in every day of our lives, yes? If you're planning to tell me to stop thinking, perhaps I should tell you right now that I won't stop thinking. Not that I don't listen to my friends' advice but I think my world revolves around thinking.
But due to thinking too much, I think my mind starts to get tired with all the thoughts, especially those things I should not even ponder about. I can't enumerate them all here because I can't remember most of them right now and I do not want to share them here because 90% of them are personal and 10% of them are absurd.
As a result of my mind getting fatigued, I have become more forgetful than ever. There are moments where I go out of my room to get or do something and as soon as I go beyond my door, I forget the thing I'm supposed to get or do.
There are also times where I am getting inconsistent with the stories I tell to my friends, especially when I tell about something that happen on a particular day and I tell it later to my friends but it ended up being skewered because I forgot some of the details already. I can still tell my friend the gist of my stories but some parts went missing.
Another inconsistency is my mood. Sometimes, I want to get out and spend time with my friends but there are times where I lock myself in my room all day long. It is not supposed to be a big deal but it is now because I am bothered.
My guts is another thing that flickers inside myself like a dying light bulb. I have days when I feel I can take on the world but these days also fade away and my courage goes down to scratch. Why can't I be consistently brave or courageous?
I am also having troubles keeping focus at things lately. I think my attention span has decreased because I can concentrate before but now, I get knocked off-course with a blink of an eye and I really, really do not want that anymore.
Because of these inconsistencies, I end up hurting people unintentionally, including my friends and family. The bad part is that I never know that I actually hurt them until they start to avoid me.
I just want to discipline myself, you know. I want to grow up and get my mind in its right place. I want it to be at rest somehow and keep it stress-free. What I mean by "grow up" is to take things seriously and with responsibility because I am really messed up and I've been f***ed up for a long, long time.
I don't know if leaving my room, the house, and my family for a while will help but there is a strong chance that it will help because I can use the peace and silence. The house is really kind of noisy when my family's here, especially with all the shouting and loud talking. By the way, they're not shouting because of fighting but they can't hear each other sometimes. They're not all deaf too, okay? They are just jumpy and somewhat overreacting at times, like me. I guess.
I've also thought of talking to a psychiatrist or therapist to help me here but where in this particular shithole can I find such people? And there's a big chance that I cannot afford their services. I consider talking to my friends but I can't find the right words to say because they might not understand what I am going through and what is wrong with me. That's why I really want professional help.
I really hope that before 2013 comes, I can get this ordeal over with and move forward because I really don't want to get stuck in here for decades. I've seen people get on with their lives and I believe I should move forward too because there is no point in staying in one place especially when the people around you are fast on their feet and I do not want to be left behind somehow.
Forgive the overwhelmingly negative post (if you think it's a pessimistic entry) and the inconsistencies if there are.
***
December 21st, 2012. We all know the date. Some of the population fear this date while some don't and others just don't care. Me? I'm sort of between the latter two. What will happen on this specific day, you may ask? You may have heard a lot of theories about the possible events on this day so I won't dwell on this subject now. Besides, I'm not here to discuss the "apocalypse" itself.
There's this horror film I watched a few months ago which is now one of my all-time favorites. There's this particular scene in the film where our hero and heroine let the world end and the heroine said that "it's time to give someone else a chance." I can't tell their names and the film's title because what I just said here is a BIG SPOILER, as you can see with the capitalized letters. With this being said, I am sort of agreeing with what they think about the world ending and their reason why they should just end it instead of saving mankind.
I can't tell specifically how much faith I still have for our kind but all I know is that it's below the middle or the appropriate amount of faith if there's such a thing. Not being a pessimist here. I'm just saying because of the things I see lately.
You see, the world today has collapsed. You may not see it with your eyes but if you actually process the things you see, you may arrive at the same conclusion as mine. Stupidity and absurdity have dominated and overshadowed intelligence, practicality, and rationality. Some of us are surrounded by madness and violence while others are clouded with materialism, power, and pride.
Sadly, there's this news in Connecticut where a 20-year old shooter killed 27 people that includes 20 children, and then shot himself. Violence has taken its toll and innocence is an unfortunate victim in this incident.
Also, our priorities are messed up and it has reached the below zero level of absurdity where we prioritize the smallest endeavors that have no lifetime effect instead of bigger challenges and things that give us a chance to turn their lives around.
We spend too much time worrying about what to share on our social networking accounts. We also ponder and wallow too much with the affections of others when we should be reflecting about how we should live our lives. "There's more to life than love," as what one local celebrity said. We think too much of how we look good in the eyes of others instead of feeling good about ourselves. We also pour our time too much on the thoughts of trying to fit in the wrong kind of people, more specifically, the zombies who prey on your self-identity or individuality. By the way, take note of the word "too much" there before you say anything.
Basically, we lament and reflect on the wrong priorities. Well, I don't want to consider them as priorities because they are not really a necessity and what I mean with necessity is that a necessity that has a lifetime impact like the basic needs. I guess you all know Carl Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. There are also BIGGER THINGS we should worry about like making our world a better place to live in and making our lives worthwhile besides the basic necessities.
These points aside, I agree that it's time to give someone (or something) else a chance. Humanity, we have plunged into a deeper darkness. It will be hard to get out unless all of us will cooperate. The world might need new and better caretakers of the planet and history needs a new era of lesser shame and brighter future because this era has gone bleak.
Now before I end this, let me leave you with a question.
When was the last time you fell in love with a film the first time you saw it? If you'll ask me, I fell in love with a film called Super 8 last December and its spell captivated me for a long time and looks like this new film I just saw a few days ago found a place close to my film-loving heart.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a teen drama film written and directed by Stephen Chbosky based on his critically-acclaimed and beloved 1999 epistolary novel of the same name. It stars Logan Lerman (Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief), Emma Watson (the Harry Potter series), Ezra Miller (We Need to Talk About Kevin), Mae Whitman (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World), Nina Dobrev (Chloe), with Joan Cusack (School of Rock), and Paul Rudd (Forgetting Sarah Marshall).
It tells about Charlie (Logan Lerman), a 15-year old intelligent wallflower who is anxious to start high school and is already counting down his remaining days as a high school student. Charlie's life seems sad and mundane with his best friend committing suicide before freshman year started but it changes when seniors and step-siblings Patrick (Ezra Miller) and Sam (Emma Watson) enters his life and introduces him to a lot of things from The Rocky Horror Picture Show to having fun, being with friends, and stepping outside of his comfort zone.
I have read the novel first before I watched the film and I must say that it is an all-time favorite book of mine. I have read it five times and I still get moved by the characters and Charlie's ordeals so I have a lot of respect to the source material. When I read that there will be a film adaptation of this, I was both excited and nervous. Why excited and nervous? Excited because it is nice to see an adaptation of Wallflower to the big screen and nervous because novel-to-film adaptations are a bit risky and I'm also a bit nervous for Stephen Chbosky as director because he hasn't directed any films yet besides this. But boy, when I finally laid my eyes on the film, Chbosky totally surprised me. I'll enumerate the good points first.
First things first. Wallflower has a nostalgic feel to it. One of the reasons is the cinematography's hazy touch to the film. It's like you're watching a film from the late '80s to early '90s. The other reason is its setting which is in 1991. There are obviously no cell phones or social networking sites in sight. People really connect with each other personally and when you see these friends together, you can really tell that time is well spent. CD burning is not yet possible so they have to do it in mixtapes which is cooler than CD burning for me.
Next, the actors are really good in Wallflower and when I say they're good, they're pretty darn good or better yet, great. They stand out on their own because they really fit into their characters' shoes. After her stint as Hermione Granger in all the Harry Potter films, Emma Watson proved to us that there is more to her than just being Hermione because Sam is really really different from Hermione and Watson pulled it off with grace and awe. She sports an American accent for this one and she does it well. A lot of people say that Ezra Miller steals the scenes in this film. He really does and he nails it. His character Patrick has some of the wittiest lines on the movie and he managed to balance the humor and sympathy to his character so we can laugh with him and at the same time, we can cry with him. Mae Whitman perfectly embodies Mary Elizabeth with her energy.
But for me, the stand out is Logan Lerman for his portrayal of Charlie. I first saw him as Percy Jackson and obviously, Percy is different from Charlie. Lerman really surprised me with his dramatic performance as the wallflower of the film and he's also the perfect Charlie. I can't imagine anyone else playing as Charlie besides Lerman.
I have no problems with the story actually even though there were changes made and certain plot events were removed to accommodate for the film adaptation. I understand that because of time constraints since they must maintain a certain running time. It's fine with me because both the novel and the film are great but in their own way. They both stand out in their own way and both have what it takes to be a timeless classic in its form.
Lastly, the soundtrack matches the feel of the film. The songs are in the '90s or older and they are quirky, upbeat, and memorable. And the Smiths' song "Asleep" has its own special place in the film as if it's one of the characters. I really love how the film incorporated the song in Charlie's life.
You may think at first that this will be another typical high school movie just like the others but it isn't. Just like growing up, Wallflower is a fun, emotional, and memorable roller coaster ride to high school. Its nostalgia takes viewers back to their time of growing up. Characters are well-written and actors are perfectly cast. It packs a lot of humor, emotion, and memorable lines. And as the film progresses, you may think that you don't want this moment to end because the film can make you feel that you are infinite with Charlie, Sam, and Patrick.
You've seen its genesis. You've witness the apocalypse that slowly leads to mankind's extinction. You've experienced the afterlife. And now, The Umbrella Corporation is back with their zombies in 3D but this time, they're bringing along new challenges and villains to stop Alice from saving the human race and from delivering her retribution in Resident Evil: Retribution.
Resident Evil: Retribution is the fifth installment to the live action Resident Evil franchise. It is written and directed by Paul W.S. Anderson (Resident Evil, Resident Evil: Afterlife) and is the second movie shot in 3D. The film picks up where Afterlife ends. Alice (Milla Jovovich) battles the ships, soldiers, and Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory) summoned by Umbrella to kill her. After crashing one aircraft onto to Arcadia, Alice was thrown into the ocean unconscious. She wakes up and is now in one of Umbrella's testing facility where she tries to escape along with Ada Wong (Li Bingbing), Leon Kennedy (Johann Urb), and Barry Burton (Kevin Durand) but as she makes her way to escape Jill and Alice's former allies, Rain (Michelle Rodriguez), One (Colin Salmon), and Carlos (Oded Fehr) were sent by Umbrella for Alice's blood.
I've seen the film but only in 2D since money made 3D a bit impossible so I'll be removing the 3D aspect for this review.
The opening of Retribution has established that this movie is going to be more epic than the previous movies but that's just in the beginning. They were wrong because the rest of the film feels like a action thriller B-movie only sprinkled with well-choreographed fight scenes and heart-stopping action. But the film managed to put a little bit of emotion and that made the film stood out among the rest.
Retribution never disappoints with their promise of blood, intense violence, state-of-the-art visual effects, and fight scenes but don't expect for it to deliver a good story because just like the previous ones, this one is a bit of a flop when it comes to the story for its inconsistency (a thing I have notice after watching all the previous films before Retribution). Anderson tried to bring up the Aliens vibe here by bringing a kid who think she's Alice daughter, thus, trying to create a mother-daughter link between the two as they try to survive the horrors. Unfortunately, the character development is weak because all our attention is diverted to the action. The only strong point about the plot is the ending which promises a bigger set of events.
Like I said, the film has this B-movie feel and let me elaborate that one. The film may have all the good action and violence but the dialogue is like campy and cheesy. It's nothing memorable. And the acting part is a bit lacking. Milla Jovovich, as usual, looks good and prime in her Alice but the rest are just like cardboard characters.
One thing I'd like to point out is the series' direction. The first film, just like its source material, started off as a horror film. Apocalypse slightly detaches from the horror and sticking itself to the action genre. Extinction restores a bit of the horror in the franchise. Starting with Afterlife, all the horror is gone. The zombies can't be feared anymore. I'm starting to miss the fear in the franchise but unfortunately, looks like the filmmakers have decided to go on a different direction.
To sum up, Retribution still has the knack for all the good blood and violence it promises to deliver but with its inconsistent script, campy acting and dialogue, and generic plot, the film fails to deliver the ultimate movie-going experience. It may leave the fans of the film series with their fists in the air but for the video game fans and the rest of the audiences, they will leave with nothing.
