I haven't been active here lately because I don't have much time to write entries and I am a bit too stressed to write entries. You see, I've been busy with my job for the past two months and it'll be my third month at work next week. So how are things at work, you ask?
Well, obviously I'm a bit stressed out myself with work. Training's over and we're finally doing the job we got hired for and it's really a complicated work I must say. You might think it's easy because we only sit in front of the computer all day and do our thing but it's not as simple as that, my friend. Oh no. It's just mind-splitting most of the time. (I can't specify what I do there.)
I also think I'm still not used to the night life myself. Alive by night, asleep by day. I just can't get used to that. As a result, I am always sleepless or I don't have enough sleep everyday and because of that, I am always restless, a bit jumpy, and I am prone to mood swings. Not the dangerous ones though, just the normal mood swings but people find it weird somehow because of how easy my mood changes. I am not bipolar or something. I am just moody or maybe cranky.
Because of my job, I don't have much time for myself too. Not enough time to rest and recuperate from the stress. Not enough time to relax. Not enough time to be with my family and friends. I miss out on a lot of things in their lives and I don't want that to go on for a long time.
I know you must think and you want to ask why did I even take this job in the first place if I'll whine like this right now. I have my reasons back then and all I can say right now is that it's like an experiment or trial and error if I describe it more accurately. I don't feel any regret of getting hired there to be honest. It's just that I had these realizations too early.
I've been looking for a new job lately because I realized this early how mundane my work is and I think I feel like a junkie with my lifestyle. I am not a quitter, okay? It's just that I felt this early that I am going nowhere with this and I need to be in the field I am really acquainted with and I need to apply the skills I acquired in my 4 years of college education. Because in my current job, I can't apply these skills. Obviously.
And now, there's this opportunity I want to take. It's a 5-day job in a film production. Why five days? Because they only have five straight days to shoot the film and I guess it'll be one long and exhausting shoot but that's how things work in a film production especially in an independent film production because you only have limited budget and resources and you can't afford to waste so much money with the budget you have on your hand for production.
Anyway, my point and my problem here is should I stay or should I go. Should I take this opportunity that comes sparsely or should I stay and wait for the right time to get out of my work permanently?
If I take this chance, I'll miss a week of work but I am satisfied because I will learn a lot of things from the production especially since it's one of my fields during college. I'll probably get the fire or creative passion back in me again.
If I stay, however, then it'll just be the same mundane days where I'll whine for some segments of that day and wait for Friday night to come to feel better and it's on repeat until I decided to throw the towel.
This is a conflict of passion and practicality. Which do I choose? An opportunity where I might earn little money but I'll learn and get a lot of things out of it or a job so mundane but the compensation is a bit higher than the former though it's still a bit too low for general people's standards? And I only have today to decide because the production starts tomorrow.
I hope that with the decision I make later, I won't somehow lose myself in regret (or I think it'll happen if I choose to stay.)
Sincerely,
Zepp
