My Own Saga: Misplaced Affections in the Smoke

Dear friend,

As it turned out, my plan did not work out. Well, it wasn't set into motion actually but it's not because of me this time. I tried to communicate with the person I'm trying to reach out. I tried to settle my matters but looks like my efforts were in vain and perhaps, they were ignored. Maybe I am too late or maybe I'm desperate as one of my friends said.

Maybe the feelings died or maybe there's nothing at all.

I don't know the real reason.

Should I still go after it or should I let it go?

I'm almost near in finally having an answer to that question and it's leaning towards the latter. It's obvious that that person doesn't want to see me at all so why bother although I also thought that I should try at least to say what I feel for that person but this time, the personal way won't happen for a long shot so I might tell it through Facebook or through text messaging or any form of electronic communication.

But it sucks, you know? It sucks because there might be no feeling of sincerity or reality if I send a message saying that I like that person. But what can I do? That person won't make time so I'll really rely on the resources I have to get that message across though I have to really think about saying it or just bury it inside me. If I keep it, the feeling might resurface. If I say it, there's a strong chance I can finally let go if nothing still happens after getting that message across. At least, I won't wallow if I don't get the desired outcome because I know that the chances are slim for me.

On another note, I've been hanging out with my friends and I introduced hookah to them a month ago which they enjoyed. My siblings introduced that to me before I showed it to my friends. At first, it was okay but a few weeks later, I think it triggered one of my friends to start smoking. As of last Sunday, he consumes one pack of cigarettes a day and I'm worried.

I never thought that he was a smoker. He never told us he smoked during his high school or college days. I presumed he was a non-smoker but when he smoked for the first time in front of my friends (I was absent that time), another friend told me he smokes as if he already knew how to smoke before.

Last Sunday, I tried smoking too. I had a stick and I don't know if I liked the feeling or not but I ended up having a headache when I went home after our hookah session at a coffee shop. The menthol flavor felt like it's piercing my throat. But at least, I finally tried it and I now know what it feels like when smoking. I don't know if I'll try it again in the future but let's hope I won't because I really don't like its side effects.

What else... I have a week off that started last Sunday and it'll just be until Friday because the lead actress of the show I'm employed at had another shoot for another show so she's not available for our scheduled shooting days. I'll be heading back to the location this Saturday.

I'm actually having a good time during the shoots for that particular show I'm in. The people there are really awesome to work with. They're actually funny and when it's serious, they're also really serious as that's how we're supposed to act during work. I'm okay with the compensation because it's the experience that counts anyway.

Well, that's it. Thank you for your time in reading this. I don't mean to blurt this all out here but I just want to let it out so thanks.

Sincerely,

Zepp

My Own Saga: Trial and Error

Dear friend,

It's already the month of June. I left my job two months ago. Well, it's not really a smooth farewell but I got out. I was busy for two weeks last month. And then, I will be busy again starting this Saturday and will last for 18 days. Thankfully, it's not consecutive because the key people have other things to do on our vacant days.

Yes. I've been busy since I got out of my previous job. I think I'm slowly getting out of my shell somehow but I still feel I lack a lot. I need to grow some balls to be precise. There's this feeling of being incomplete inside myself and it somehow kills my mood whenever it passes by my mind and I also get distracted because of it.

I'm starting to experience new things ever since I chose this new path but I still think I'm missing out a lot on life. People think I'm getting old and I think so too but I still haven't experienced a real relationship. (Don't get me wrong on this one. I'm not like one of those teenagers who's dying to have a relationship, okay?) I almost had one but then I got cold feet. I know. You want to slap me to wake and put some sense in me but it's all done and I've learned the error of my ways or I'm still learning on it at least. But I'm not here to whine and wallow about my cold feet. I want to pour this certain thing out of my mind.

You see, there's this one person I admire but I don't know if this person still likes me or not because back in senior year, this person said "I like you" to my in a shy way. Of course, I was shocked and awkwardly expressed my gratitude but this person doesn't know I also have a mutual feeling for that person but I wanted to make sure if the feeling is real or not. Until now... But I endured a year with that person. Graduation came and we went our separate ways.

Then, there's this one day in a few months after graduation that I was strolling in a random mall when I saw a former classmate. We chat for I think an hour to catch up and then, I suddenly brought up the revelation because from what I remember, my classmate was a witness to the incident back then so I asked her if she thinks the revelation is sincere or a fraud and she thinks it's the latter.

I've been trying to reconnect to that particular person but we seldom see each other and this person also has a knack of cancelling plans in the last minute due to some reasons. I know I have to understand the reasons but it doesn't have to cancel when I always invite that person so I of course think there is avoidance going on.

I'm still plagued by the revelation and when we finally see each other, I want to know the truth and if I'm given a chance to start something from there, I'd like to try that even if it's odd. Anyway, it's okay to make some mistakes in your first relationship if it will go down like that, right? But let's not hope it will end up like that although there's a 80% chance I'll get rejected anyway because I think I'm below this person's standards and we have little in common.

I told my friends about this predicament and they think I have strong feelings for that person so they agreed that what I'm planning to do will really help me and if things go okay from there, they'll support me because I'm a newbie. But I won't assume that we'll be together. No.

So there. That's my current status and predicament these days. I hope things will work out and if not, it's okay just to say what I have to say and ask what I need to ask from that person. I've prepared myself for the outcomes anyway so I'll be good. So sorry if you think I ended this abruptly. It's just that I think this is all I have in my mind right now so I'll be leaving on this note. Anyway, thank you for reading and understanding.

Sincerely,

Zepp

P.S. To that person,

If you're reading this (in which I think there's a slim chance you'll even visit this site), if we see each other, please don't get awkward on me when I say what I have to say. I won't spill it here because it'll just kill my plan. I hope to see you soon. Thank you.