My Own Saga: Confession in a New Year's Eve

Dear friend,

This is a first. I didn't write any New Year's resolution for 2014. I missed the chance to write on purpose. This is because I think I'll break my resolutions anyway so I decided to skip it.

2013 was another roller coaster for me and it also was a year of full circle. Why? It's because I started 2013 with a new job and the year ended with a new job too. I hope and I'll do my best to keep myself for this one because it'll be hard if I lose my grasp in this second shot.

Looking back at both 2012 and 2013, 2013 has more ups than two years ago and it's better that way. I met a lot of new friends while some left and that's okay. A lot of opportunities were presented along the way and I took them. I learned a lot of things from 2013's events ESPECIALLY on the last day itself. Oh don't get me started on the 31st of December.

But before that, I also did a lot of things which I never thought I'd do in the past. I became a little more confident than before (I really hope so). And I also got to know my limits deeper which is very significant in getting to know myself better.

Now that I mentioned the 31st of December, this day became unexpectedly significant for me because I did something for the first time in my life although it might sound a little weak because I did it differently.

Here's the thing: there's this person I liked for a long time until this affection reached a disturbing level because I've been seeing that person's name anywhere and everywhere I go and it almost drove me insane. A few days before, I thought of finally confessing my affections. I asked my friends first if it's a good idea and I got mixed reactions. Two friends of mine told me it's a good idea to let it out before it consumes me and before it turns into a bigger regret. The other told me it might be an act of self-indulgence in my case.

Then came December 31. I thought about it the whole day, if I should still do it or not. The decision making reached until I think 6 in the evening before leaving the house for a little binge drinking that ended up walking in the war zone of fireworks. I asked another friend if this is not a stupid thing and she said I should do it for no more regrets and it acted like a little push.

I typed the message and sent it through Facebook. I know I could have said it personally but time and space have never accommodated us so meeting is a little difficult. I won't give out the whole message here but the gist of it is that I told that person my affections and I also said that I won't hold any expectations and I said it because I want to say it and I want to move on with my life.

When I returned home, I got a reply saying that that person is speechless and asked me if I sent it to the right person. I said, "Yes. It is."

And that's it.

I don't know if I'll be hearing from that person again or not but I have anticipated both outcomes so if any of the two possible scenarios happens, I'll brace myself. I won't hold any regrets or stress about it because this is what I wanted after all. If that person chose to stay away, I'll miss the presence but I'll respect the decision. But if otherwise, then I guess we'll see. We'll never know what will happen, right?

So there. I think the post is a little shorter than the previous New Year posts but I ran out of words to say and I did not create any New Year's resolution at all so it's all justified. All that remains to be said is: I wish you all well for 2014 and keep your pieces together.

Sincerely,

Zepp

My Own Saga: What's Going On?

Dear friend,

Remember my post about starting with a new job? Well, I am happy to report that I am having a good time so far.

I'm currently a trainee for the job. I am not yet a regular in the position but I'm fine with it because I'm using the training as an adjustment period for myself, especially for my body clock since the job involves a nocturnal lifestyle or in simple words, I have to stay up all night which is really new for me.

When I go to work, the sky is dark and the moon shines in the horizon. When I get out of the building, the sun is already rising and my eyes are heavy and tired. But when I reach home and my bed, I can't fall asleep easily. I still have to do things to exhaust myself for a nice and uninterrupted sleep. I'm not whining about it, okay?

Anyway, I find my co-trainees cool and awesome to hang out with. At first, there's an air of awkwardness between those who just joined in and those who already met during the job offer. But after two or three days, I think, we all sort of blend in harmoniously though there were some ripples along the way because we're still trying to read and grasp the limits of each other.

There's also no feel of competition luckily among us and it's a good thing because we are trained to work together as a team. We're not in some reality show where it's every man for himself and I find it actually cool to learn from my co-trainees too because we're all different from each other and I want to learn and experience new things from them and with them.

The training itself is a blast though I'm still grasping on some of the topics because the job I'm about to delve into is pretty new and a bit far from my field but it's okay because it would be nice to be exposed to new things. I even experienced culture shock this past week because of the information being discussed during the training.

I still have a few weeks before the training period ends and the real challenge begins so I have to make the most out of the training because I think this will be the only time where I can bond with my co-trainees freely. Because once the real work begins, our time will be squeezed and I am a bit nervous about the things that lie ahead.

I really hope I can pass the training too and hold on to this job for a long while because I really need to do something for myself and my family.

Sincerely,

Zepp

My Own Saga: Starting Over

Dear friend,

As you can see, this is my first post for 2013. Hooray. But it's not really a breakthrough so we can scrap the confetti aside and just get on with the point.

For several months since my graduation, I have been struggling to get a job and stay in one. It's not that I quit so soon from my previous job because I can't handle it. There's another reason which concerns about the salary that made me stop and technically, my "job" is not really a job but more of a side project. But I enjoy my three or four months there.

The people who were my workmates were pretty nice and cool. They are all older than me and most of them have families of their own so when I work with them, there is this feel that I am their youngest brother or something. They are not really too serious because they know how to have fun and when to crack up jokes but when everyone's serious, they are all dead serious about what they're doing.

But the end inevitably came a little soon. I had to stop coming in because I was getting a bit underpaid. I am not the only one who faced this problem but every one of us within that group has that problem. The cause lies within the clients who are not paying punctually and fully.

I think they still haven't paid my workmates even after I left. I felt bad about stopping and sort of abandoning them but I can't ask my parents for travel expenses for long. I also can't ask too much from my boss there for my salary because the salary comes from his own wallet and not from the budget that was supposed to be filled up from the clients' payment.

So I stopped coming there. It was easy to get out because there's no contract involved about my work there. The only thing I signed there is a confidentiality contract about the project we worked on during my time there.

Well, looks like I told too much about one of my previous predicaments last year. Let me move on to the new deal.

I'm about to start with my new job this coming Monday and I am both excited and nervous for this one. I am excited because of a lot of new possibilities inside like new friends and new things to learn but I am also nervous if I can handle this or not. By the way, I can't tell the specifics but I can assure you that it is legal.

My friend who referred me to that job and company tells a lot of stories about her working experiences there and at first, she seems to enjoy it but as her training ends and the real nature of her job started, she slowly started to get stressed and from stories of enjoyment, her stories turned into stressful moments about the job.

I listened to her stories because I'm being a friend and she wants to let out her stress from her work but her stories affected me to the point that I question myself if I can handle the job as soon as training ends. I really hope whatever I learn during the training will stick with me for a long time.

Besides the anxiety, I am also excited like I said before because this is a fresh start for me. With a fresh start come new possibilities like new friends and new experiences. I'm also excited for the lessons I'll learn during the training. And I actually want this excitement to dominate over my anxiety. I don't want the fear to ruin this new opportunity for me.

Speaking of new opportunity, I want to take this job as a springboard or introduction for me to the concept of having a job with a decent pay. I would like to use the job to get the feel of the possible kind of environment I'll encounter in the future when it comes to offices and workplaces.

I also want to think about it as some kind of a memorable experience where even if this is not my dream job, I manage to have fun while working because of the people I will be working with in the days ahead.

I just hope I'll last long in this job and if I slip, I'll stand up and be on my feet quickly because there's no time for grasping the situation when it comes to working. You have to be fast on your feet, be flexible, and be prepared for everything that comes along the way.

Wish me luck in this new start and I wish you luck with your current and future endeavors and challenges.

Sincerely, 

Zepp

New Year's Resolution and a Look Back to 2011

2011, like I said in some social networking site, has been a very tumultuous year for me. A lot has happened. Obviously. The year can possibly be summarized through my blog posts here but there are still events I left out here because some are too big while some are too small to matter. Many memories will be treasured and many memories will be thrown away. I had quite a lot of experiences this year and most of these experiences changed and rocked the way I lived my life yet I still have so many things to go through and understand to grow up.

There are times I am very proud of what I've become. There were these times I've never felt happy of what I've done to myself and the things I have achieved this year though I achieved a little. There were also the times where I regret all my failures due to cowardice and of course, the awkwardness of the situation to me which most or maybe all of you may not understand. These were the times where I want to hit myself very hard in the head or bump my head so hard on the wall that I die instantly due to severe head trauma and hemorrhage. Yeah. I am that hard to myself.

I also became free this year and learned a lot of things from living away from home. I also met a lot of people and experienced the things I never experienced when living at home because of this newly-gained freedom. (It's not really new anymore.) I know I sounded like a child who just got out of its crib for the first time but I treasure this freedom because I know it will help me more in understanding the things I'll experience when I finally left the comforts of my house and my parents.

2011 is a very emotional year for me as evident with "Breaking Down" posts. I have never cried this many in the previous years and yeah, I cry! Okay! It may be too sensitive for me to cry but come on, I can still break down, you know.

Anyway, if you wish to look back on what has happened to my 2011, you can do so with the chronicles while I move on to my second part of this post which is my new year's resolution. I am taking this chance and time to write something long and meaningful to say goodbye and leave all the troubles of 2011 behind and wave hello to the New Year, to 2012. Maybe it'll take time for my first post for 2012 because I'll be focusing on my studies now. (Please let me focus...)

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION:

1. I have already mentioned the first one above which is to focus on my studies. I am literally shaken with what's happening to me in the academic part of my life. Looks like I had too much fun. It's really time to put my game face on.
2. To really concentrate on studying, I'll reduce my time on the Internet. Social networking sites have been a distraction to me. I always end up procrastinating on Facebook and rushing with my homework. I must be really really sad with my life right now knowing that I spend too much time on Facebook. 
3. Think before I act. I know I don't want to think too much but of course, I have to think fast right now for we live in a world with a fast pace and acting without thinking can be reckless so I have to plan and consider my actions before doing them. Reckless actions cost a lot of things like time and money.
4. Think before I feel. Another reason for distraction is the emotions. They can really be a pain, a hindrance to my goals for the day, for the week, for the month, and maybe for the year. Sometimes, I don't want to feel for a while to get me going and growing. 
5. Of course, I must consider the things I take or intake. I must start living healthy. Enough said.
6. I'll stay away from peer pressure now. I'm not blaming anyone for anything. I just think it'll be nice if I can be on my own for now to focus on what I should be doing. It's time to get serious.
7. When opportunity knocks, take it. Of course, I don't have to take every opportunity that is presented. I have to choose these opportunities that will interest me and help me in every way to grow up and learn something from the chances. 
8. Manage my time. Having a messy time management does not get me anywhere and it does not bode well at all. If I feel lazy for doing something, I need to kick myself in the ass and move it because time during the second semester is really moving frakking fast. If I procrastinate, everything will be pushed back and they all will become major setbacks. I need to slap myself to snap out of it.
9. I should learn how to let go. Reflecting on my past failures is helpful but not wallowing on them. I should just learn how to move on and forget because as a new day unfolds, there's a chance for redemption. Every day is a new clean slate to start over.

If I ever forgot something, I'll just add them here. If I fail to fulfill even one of these things, I need a psychological evaluation. It's been a very long post and once again, 2012 draws nigh in almost 23 or 24 hours so I say and greet in advance a happy new year to all.

Another Birthday and Some Rushes

One of my close friends from high school just celebrated her birthday yesterday. Once again, I'd like not to mention her name for security purposes. (I'm paranoid, okay?) I just hope she enjoyed celebrating her day with her college friends for this coming Wednesday, we'll celebrate her birthday.

Yup. Got no classes this Wednesday! Booyah! Time to get some good rest because I have no classes for Wednesday and luckily, my weekly day-off comes along this Thursday. I can knock myself off with all the academic stresses and shit.

For the past week, I've been in a rush with all the homework in Radio and Television (RTV) and Debate. They're totally taking up my time and attention span and these two really rocked my world because the deadlines for the homework for these two subjects is due today, well, a few hours from now. Today will be a long and busy day for me but I can't wait to rest my arse and enjoy a good day with my high school friends.

No need to think of some heavy mindf*ck in these two days. Just rest, enjoy, and live.

End of an Era

I know it's been almost two weeks or a week since the first semester ended. The second semester is about to start in a few days and I am nervous with after graduation. (I'm not making sense again.) I'm really nervous because we're graduating and I still don't have any frakkin' clue where to get a job. At least, I have these specific fields where I can go and try but there is still uncertainty and I hate it.

Second point is that I'm also nervous with the thesis because the second semester is the time where we all will be making the actual thesis unlike in the first semester where we had to busy ourselves with the thesis proposal. There are so many things to do especially with our thesis and our topic is extremely complicated. A lot of people including our thesis adviser and professors said so. I already broke down because of the pressure. (Yeah. I'm emotional.)

Third, I'm a bit excited with some things like there'll be changes. These changes, I won't explain because... I don't know. I just don't want to explain it here. Don't try to force me.

Fourth, it's kind of sad to start the semester because two of my friends got separated and last semester, I was always with these two crazy people. I actually enjoyed their company.

And finally, I ran out of things to type here. But so far, it's been one hell of a semester and everything's been insane lately. I kind of enjoyed the insanity, doing some things for the first time, and actually exploring. I never expected to be friends with the new people I know now because of this past semester. I also miss my friends who just transferred to another block and it seems to me that they can finally have their freedom with the choice they just made and I'm happy for them.

Dorm Life and Other Shenanigans: Volume 2

I now live on an apartment near the university I'm studying. I've been living there for actually two weeks now. I usually come home in the weekends for the laundry and stacking up my resources. I actually never thought this would materialize. It all happened so fast but I managed. Being away from home is hard, I admit, but when I rationalize my decision, the pluses actually outweighs the minuses.

I may be away from home and for the first time, I'm living on my own. I think about what to eat and what to do for the whole day. I'm not new with planning my activities for the day though the food planning is a little difficult because I'm conscious with what I eat.

I'm adjusting to my body clock too. Now that I live near the university, I don't have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning but my body is just used to waking up. I always get up at around 6:00 AM and I'm usually the first one in the apartment awake. After waking up, I always seat on the couch outside the rooms and wait for something or someone to happen. Despite waking up too early, I rarely arrived late in my classes unlike last semester.

There are little distractions in my studies but I can do little with my assignments since I haven't brought my laptop in the apartment yet. There's no wireless Internet connection there but I'm not complaining since I needed some time off the net during weekdays.

Roommates are not pests, honestly but I'm having troubles of fitting in since we have differences and I mean big ones like tastes in music and lifestyle. (Please do not spill this one or I will end those who are responsible for the leakage.)

About sleeping, I'm always the first one to go to bed among all the boarders but when finally sleeping, I fail to keep myself in a deep sleep.

So far, I'm still adjusting to this new lifestyle but I'm looking forward to learn some lessons along the way. I don't want to get tired with traveling too much though I miss riding the train and jeepney home with the music of my taste on my earbuds. I also miss walking with my friends on the way home, joking and talking about movies.

Speaking of which, I got separated from my friends this semester.I'm also on my own in the classroom. I joined a new section where I don't know most of the people. I'm only familiar with them through the organization I joined and some of the students there became my classmates during my freshman year. It's a new environment to me. Totally different personalities from the section I came from but it's good to meet new people. Like the dorm life, I never expected this part to happen too but unlike the dorm life, I did not plan this well.

I can't compare them to my original section because these two groups have differences but all I can say so far is that I enjoy both sections though I can't help but miss my friends back in the group I came from.

Last Day High

Today was my last day of the semester. It ended great. There's no classes actually but I came to school to pass the script for RTV and like I said in my status on Facebook, I kicked some ass. I like it when people complement my works especially poems and writings but it's my first time writing a script and my professor enjoyed reading my work. It actually became my inspiration and motivation to finish what I started and to stand up because my group mates barely helped me at all. (Dairen, I now know how you feel when I began to act all lazy. I'm so sorry about those times.)

After passing the script, I spent some time with Film Society and it was fun. We're actually pushing the plan of playing some "war game" with pellet guns. They liked the idea. I'm excited with it too. We went somewhere to look for some guns but our efforts were futile.

Then, I'm about to make some progress with the OJT or on-the-job training. I'll finish my resume tonight. I hope I can come to the OJT hunt and the film lecture in UP tomorrow. I'll try to be active this summer. :)

Before I go, here's a song to accompany me in my triumphs today. I must say I turned the tables and now, they're under my thumb. I kicked their asses.

(Courtesy of Decca Records and YouTube)