New Year's Resolution and Shit

I only have a few more minutes to accomplish this and I still don't know how I'll pull this one off. You see, 2012 has been one hell of a year for me. Most days are not dull and there are days that are indeed dull. I don't know if I learned a lot of things this year because even if I did, this crazy mind of mine keeps making me the same mistakes I want to avoid for a long time. I hate my mind. I hate it for making me do these stupid and illogical things I can't even explain to myself why I did them.

Instead of being outside, I opted to stay in my room and try to get this post over with. I have been struggling to write this post for a while now. I don't know why I can't write what I should have written a few hours before and even things I should have done before. WHOA. Where the hell did that statement come from!? See!? My mind is now playing tricks on me. I am really sorry for being unstable. Honest. I really am sorry.

I can see a lot of beautiful fireworks going off in the sky so I better get this over with now. So where should I start?

Well, first thing is the transition. I struggled to change and adjust to a lot of things and I think I have failed to adjust to most things, especially to love. I blame my unstable and messed up emotional state for this. I had a withdrawal to what is supposed to be my first significant relationship with the opposite sex and yet, I don't know if I blew it or not. I don't really know if I really like her or just admire her for who she is.

There's also the delayed adjustment from being a student to a young professional or young adult (since I still have yet to experience a job next year). I had some attempts to get my life started on being a young professional and yet, the grip seems to be weak so it somehow let me go for an immature amount of time because of some circumstances and controversies (and no, I am not involve with the controversies around).

Third and possibly last is my fragile and unstable mind state. Not just the emotional state but also my mental state. You might think I am sort of a lunatic right now. You be the judge. But I am still troubled on a lot of things that I cannot explain and enumerate what things are bothering me right now because I am distracted with the time pressure and the fireworks outside. You have to forgive and believe me. (Why am I saying this thing if there is no one reading this crap I am writing?)

Okay. I think I may have written too much about what's on my mind this concluding year. Time to move on to the next part of the post: the New Year's resolution.

***

I am once again here writing a New Year's resolution that I don't know if I can accomplish all of these or maybe most of these in the coming year. But I really hope I can fulfill them without hesitations and without fear because I really could use to change. 

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION 2013

1. No more tears and fears for the new year. I don't want to hesitate on doing most things I want to do except if I know that it will lead to a mistake. I want to fully live my life without the fear of having a lot of regrets.
2. No more impulsiveness, no more recklessness. I have been too impulsive (to my idealism) this concluding year and because of this, I have become reckless and somehow irresponsible for my actions. Thus, I think of myself as immature, still and unfortunately. I don't want to be in this state anymore. I need to grow up.
3. Make responsibility an ability. In connection with the previous item, I have to responsible with my actions to avoid more regrets in the future. I have already blown some opportunities and experiences to myself. I do not want to torture myself anymore because of the regrets and stupidities.
4. Less whining, more living. For the past year, I have been whining more and living less. I failed to live my life to the fullest. So in the spirit of the new year, I will try my best to acknowledge life how it should be acknowledged and throw away the whines.
5. Be emotionally healthy.  I don't want to torture myself anymore. I don't want to be conflicted and confused because of my frail emotional state. If I need to talk to someone, I'll have to find someone from now on. I don't have to keep a lot of things to myself from here on.
6. Consideration will sometimes be an option. This item is a little weird because I am not sure of the construction of the sentence. From now on, I have to consider some of my actions especially if these actions will affect a lot of people and not only that but if they will have a huge effect in my life.
7. Love thy self. This is in connection with number five. If I need to be emotionally healthy, I must learn to accept my flaws and love myself first. 
8. Lurking is not helping. Lurking and dwelling in the past has never been helpful to anyone, not even to me. I know that a lot of people have said this to me and I should have moved on a long time ago. So in the spirit of the new year (again), I'll be leaving a lot of things behind and just embrace the new year.
9. Prove them wrong once in a while. People sometimes talk like hell that drags me down. This coming year, I would like to prove them wrong and I would love to see their faces after. It's not an issue of pride, okay?

Once again, if I forget some things, I will try to add them here later but I only have two minutes before 2012 is over so I have to get this over with.

For those who stayed with me until the end, thank you. For the new friends, it's nice to meet you and I hope to see you people more. For the people I admire, improve and stay awesome. For the people I love, I love you all eternally. 

Thank you and a Happy New Year!

My Own Saga: Consistently Inconsistent

Dear friend,

I am really getting consistent at being inconsistent. I have these constant headaches and maybe I get them because of thinking too much. But what am I to do? I can't stop thinking. I mean, we all have got to think in every day of our lives, yes? If you're planning to tell me to stop thinking, perhaps I should tell you right now that I won't stop thinking. Not that I don't listen to my friends' advice but I think my world revolves around thinking.

But due to thinking too much, I think my mind starts to get tired with all the thoughts, especially those things I should not even ponder about. I can't enumerate them all here because I can't remember most of them right now and I do not want to share them here because 90% of them are personal and 10% of them are absurd.

As a result of my mind getting fatigued, I have become more forgetful than ever. There are moments where I go out of my room to get or do something and as soon as I go beyond my door, I forget the thing I'm supposed to get or do.

There are also times where I am getting inconsistent with the stories I tell to my friends, especially when I tell about something that happen on a particular day and I tell it later to my friends but it ended up being skewered because I forgot some of the details already. I can still tell my friend the gist of my stories but some parts went missing.

Another inconsistency is my mood. Sometimes, I want to get out and spend time with my friends but there are times where I lock myself in my room all day long. It is not supposed to be a big deal but it is now because I am bothered.

My guts is another thing that flickers inside myself like a dying light bulb. I have days when I feel I can take on the world but these days also fade away and my courage goes down to scratch. Why can't I be consistently brave or courageous?

I am also having troubles keeping focus at things lately. I think my attention span has decreased because I can concentrate before but now, I get knocked off-course with a blink of an eye and I really, really do not want that anymore.

Because of these inconsistencies, I end up hurting people unintentionally, including my friends and family. The bad part is that I never know that I actually hurt them until they start to avoid me.

I just want to discipline myself, you know. I want to grow up and get my mind in its right place. I want it to be at rest somehow and keep it stress-free. What I mean by "grow up" is to take things seriously and with responsibility because I am really messed up and I've been f***ed up for a long, long time.

I don't know if leaving my room, the house, and my family for a while will help but there is a strong chance that it will help because I can use the peace and silence. The house is really kind of noisy when my family's here, especially with all the shouting and loud talking. By the way, they're not shouting because of fighting but they can't hear each other sometimes. They're not all deaf too, okay? They are just jumpy and somewhat overreacting at times, like me. I guess.

I've also thought of talking to a psychiatrist or therapist to help me here but where in this particular shithole can I find such people? And there's a big chance that I cannot afford their services. I consider talking to my friends but I can't find the right words to say because they might not understand what I am going through and what is wrong with me. That's why I really want professional help.

I really hope that before 2013 comes, I can get this ordeal over with and move forward because I really don't want to get stuck in here for decades. I've seen people get on with their lives and I believe I should move forward too because there is no point in staying in one place especially when the people around you are fast on their feet and I do not want to be left behind somehow.

Sincerely,

Zepp

If the World Will End...

Forgive the overwhelmingly negative post (if you think it's a pessimistic entry) and the inconsistencies if there are.

***

December 21st, 2012. We all know the date. Some of the population fear this date while some don't and others just don't care. Me? I'm sort of between the latter two. What will happen on this specific day, you may ask? You may have heard a lot of theories about the possible events on this day so I won't dwell on this subject now. Besides, I'm not here to discuss the "apocalypse" itself.

There's this horror film I watched a few months ago which is now one of my all-time favorites. There's this particular scene in the film where our hero and heroine let the world end and the heroine said that "it's time to give someone else a chance." I can't tell their names and the film's title because what I just said here is a BIG SPOILER, as you can see with the capitalized letters. With this being said, I am sort of agreeing with what they think about the world ending and their reason why they should just end it instead of saving mankind.

I can't tell specifically how much faith I still have for our kind but all I know is that it's below the middle or the appropriate amount of faith if there's such a thing. Not being a pessimist here. I'm just saying because of the things I see lately.

You see, the world today has collapsed. You may not see it with your eyes but if you actually process the things you see, you may arrive at the same conclusion as mine. Stupidity and absurdity have dominated and overshadowed intelligence, practicality, and rationality. Some of us are surrounded by madness and violence while others are clouded with materialism, power, and pride.

Sadly, there's this news in Connecticut where a 20-year old shooter killed 27 people that includes 20 children, and then shot himself. Violence has taken its toll and innocence is an unfortunate victim in this incident.

Also, our priorities are messed up and it has reached the below zero level of absurdity where we prioritize the smallest endeavors that have no lifetime effect instead of bigger challenges and things that give us a chance to turn their lives around.

We spend too much time worrying about what to share on our social networking accounts. We also ponder and wallow too much with the affections of others when we should be reflecting about how we should live our lives. "There's more to life than love," as what one local celebrity said. We think too much of how we look good in the eyes of others instead of feeling good about ourselves. We also pour our time too much on the thoughts of trying to fit in the wrong kind of people, more specifically, the zombies who prey on your self-identity or individuality.  By the way, take note of the word "too much" there before you say anything.

Basically, we lament and reflect on the wrong priorities. Well, I don't want to consider them as priorities because they are not really a necessity and what I mean with necessity is that a necessity that has a lifetime impact like the basic needs. I guess you all know Carl Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. There are also BIGGER THINGS we should worry about like making our world a better place to live in and making our lives worthwhile besides the basic necessities.

These points aside, I agree that it's time to give someone (or something) else a chance. Humanity, we have plunged into a deeper darkness. It will be hard to get out unless all of us will cooperate. The world might need new and better caretakers of the planet and history needs a new era of lesser shame and brighter future because this era has gone bleak.

Now before I end this, let me leave you with a question.

Is humanity still worth saving for?

A Ride to Infinity

When was the last time you fell in love with a film the first time you saw it? If you'll ask me, I fell in love with a film called Super 8 last December and its spell captivated me for a long time and looks like this new film I just saw a few days ago found a place close to my film-loving heart.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a teen drama film written and directed by Stephen Chbosky based on his critically-acclaimed and beloved 1999 epistolary novel of the same name. It stars Logan Lerman (Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief), Emma Watson (the Harry Potter series), Ezra Miller (We Need to Talk About Kevin), Mae Whitman (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World), Nina Dobrev (Chloe), with Joan Cusack (School of Rock), and Paul Rudd (Forgetting Sarah Marshall).

It tells about Charlie (Logan Lerman), a 15-year old intelligent wallflower who is anxious to start high school and is already counting down his remaining days as a high school student. Charlie's life seems sad and mundane with his best friend committing suicide before freshman year started but it changes when seniors and step-siblings Patrick (Ezra Miller) and Sam (Emma Watson) enters his life and introduces him to a lot of things from The Rocky Horror Picture Show to having fun, being with friends, and stepping outside of his comfort zone.

I have read the novel first before I watched the film and I must say that it is an all-time favorite book of mine. I have read it five times and I still get moved by the characters and Charlie's ordeals so I have a lot of respect to the source material. When I read that there will be a film adaptation of this, I was both excited and nervous. Why excited and nervous? Excited because it is nice to see an adaptation of Wallflower to the big screen and nervous because novel-to-film adaptations are a bit risky and I'm also a bit nervous for Stephen Chbosky as director because he hasn't directed any films yet besides this. But boy, when I finally laid my eyes on the film, Chbosky totally surprised me. I'll enumerate the good points first.

First things first. Wallflower has a nostalgic feel to it. One of the reasons is the cinematography's hazy touch to the film. It's like you're watching a film from the late '80s to early '90s. The other reason is its setting which is in 1991. There are obviously no cell phones or social networking sites in sight. People really connect with each other personally and when you see these friends together, you can really tell that time is well spent. CD burning is not yet possible so they have to do it in mixtapes which is cooler than CD burning for me.

Next, the actors are really good in Wallflower and when I say they're good, they're pretty darn good or better yet, great. They stand out on their own because they really fit into their characters' shoes. After her stint as Hermione Granger in all the Harry Potter films, Emma Watson proved to us that there is more to her than just being Hermione because Sam is really really different from Hermione and Watson pulled it off with grace and awe. She sports an American accent for this one and she does it well. A lot of people say that Ezra Miller steals the scenes in this film. He really does and he nails it. His character Patrick has some of the wittiest lines on the movie and he managed to balance the humor and sympathy to his character so we can laugh with him and at the same time, we can cry with him. Mae Whitman perfectly embodies Mary Elizabeth with her energy.

But for me, the stand out is Logan Lerman for his portrayal of Charlie. I first saw him as Percy Jackson and obviously, Percy is different from Charlie. Lerman really surprised me with his dramatic performance as the wallflower of the film and he's also the perfect Charlie. I can't imagine anyone else playing as Charlie besides Lerman.

I have no problems with the story actually even though there were changes made and certain plot events were removed to accommodate for the film adaptation. I understand that because of time constraints since they must maintain a certain running time. It's fine with me because both the novel and the film are great but in their own way. They both stand out in their own way and both have what it takes to be a timeless classic in its form.

Lastly, the soundtrack matches the feel of the film. The songs are in the '90s or older and they are quirky, upbeat, and memorable. And the Smiths' song "Asleep" has its own special place in the film as if it's one of the characters. I really love how the film incorporated the song in Charlie's life.

You may think at first that this will be another typical high school movie just like the others but it isn't. Just like growing up, Wallflower is a fun, emotional, and memorable roller coaster ride to high school. Its nostalgia takes viewers back to their time of growing up. Characters are well-written and actors are perfectly cast. It packs a lot of humor, emotion, and memorable lines. And as the film progresses, you may think that you don't want this moment to end because the film can make you feel that you are infinite with Charlie, Sam, and Patrick.

RATING: 5/5

TRAILER:

(Trailer courtesy of YouTube)

Retribution Almost Served

You've seen its genesis. You've witness the apocalypse that slowly leads to mankind's extinction. You've experienced the afterlife. And now, The Umbrella Corporation is back with their zombies in 3D but this time, they're bringing along new challenges and villains to stop Alice from saving the human race and from delivering her retribution in Resident Evil: Retribution.

Resident Evil: Retribution is the fifth installment to the live action Resident Evil franchise. It is written and directed by Paul W.S. Anderson (Resident Evil, Resident Evil: Afterlife) and is the second movie shot in 3D. The film picks up where Afterlife ends. Alice (Milla Jovovich) battles the ships, soldiers, and Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory) summoned by Umbrella to kill her. After crashing one aircraft onto to Arcadia, Alice was thrown into the ocean unconscious. She wakes up and is now in one of Umbrella's testing facility where she tries to escape along with Ada Wong (Li Bingbing), Leon Kennedy (Johann Urb), and Barry Burton (Kevin Durand) but as she makes her way to escape Jill and Alice's former allies, Rain (Michelle Rodriguez), One (Colin Salmon), and Carlos (Oded Fehr) were sent by Umbrella for Alice's blood.

I've seen the film but only in 2D since money made 3D a bit impossible so I'll be removing the 3D aspect for this review.

The opening of Retribution has established that this movie is going to be more epic than the previous movies but that's just in the beginning. They were wrong because the rest of the film feels like a action thriller B-movie only sprinkled with well-choreographed fight scenes and heart-stopping action. But the film managed to put a little bit of emotion and that made the film stood out among the rest.

Retribution never disappoints with their promise of blood, intense violence, state-of-the-art visual effects, and fight scenes but don't expect for it to deliver a good story because just like the previous ones, this one is a bit of a flop when it comes to the story for its inconsistency (a thing I have notice after watching all the previous films before Retribution). Anderson tried to bring up the Aliens vibe here by bringing a kid who think she's Alice daughter, thus, trying to create a mother-daughter link between the two as they try to survive the horrors. Unfortunately, the character development is weak because all our attention is diverted to the action. The only strong point about the plot is the ending which promises a bigger set of events.

Like I said, the film has this B-movie feel and let me elaborate that one. The film may have all the good action and violence but the dialogue is like campy and cheesy. It's nothing memorable. And the acting part is a bit lacking. Milla Jovovich, as usual, looks good and prime in her Alice but the rest are just like cardboard characters.

One thing I'd like to point out is the series' direction. The first film, just like its source material, started off as a horror film. Apocalypse slightly detaches from the horror and sticking itself to the action genre. Extinction restores a bit of the horror in the franchise. Starting with Afterlife, all the horror is gone. The zombies can't be feared anymore. I'm starting to miss the fear in the franchise but unfortunately, looks like the filmmakers have decided to go on a different direction.

To sum up, Retribution still has the knack for all the good blood and violence it promises to deliver but with its inconsistent script, campy acting and dialogue, and generic plot, the film fails to deliver the ultimate movie-going experience. It may leave the fans of the film series with their fists in the air but for the video game fans and the rest of the audiences, they will leave with nothing.

RATING: 2/5

TRAILER:

(Trailer courtesy of YouTube and Sony Pictures)

My Own Saga: Torn and Still Thinking

Dear You*,

I have a thought that you are getting impatient and I am sorry for making you wait and all but I still don't know what to answer to you. It's been almost two months since you told me what you said and I really don't know what to say. For the second time, I apologize for that.

The thing is I am still torn. I'm supposed to be used with being torn and confused because never in my life have I stopped being torn and confused yet. There are always choices in front of me and I am terribly indecisive so I take my time. I don't want any regrets once I've made my decision. I know that you are still waiting and waiting for my answer but I want to take a few more days in this thing between us because what I will say, no matter what it is, can change our lives or maybe how things go between us.

I also don't want to be pressured by our friends in deciding what to do in this predicament. I don't want to be carried away in deciding. I want this decision to be mine and mine alone. I don't want any push from anyone. I ask for their advice to lay out the possible consequences ahead once I make my move.

I also like to have some space in deciding. I don't know if your constant presence will help me in deciding. I think my conscience will just be more torn and conflicted. So I am asking you for a little space if you can give me a few days of your absence. I think it might help me. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Zepp

*By the way, this "You" I'm referring to is different from the previous "You" from the past.

Social Apocalypse

A little heads up! This post somewhat contains satirical content. If you don't know what satirical or satire means, look it up. Ask the good old dictionary or even the ever so reliable Google for help.

***

December 21, 2012 - it is the prophesied date by the Mayans that deals with the end of the world. But what do they mean with the "end of the world"? Will it be about tsunamis, asteroids, tornadoes, and volcanoes? Probably. And that's what almost all the people think when they hear that phrase. But in my opinion, I think it's a different apocalypse.

Yeah. I may be in denial or maybe I don't believe in prophecies and shit but I am starting to come up with a plausible and possible scenario of an apocalypse that the Mayans (and almost all of us) have feared of. What am I talking about?

Well, I'm referring to the earth's social apocalypse or to make things simple, the downfall of society. No, there won't be any manifestation of the undead... yet. There will be no wastelands and ruins of cities in this particular scenario I'm thinking of. But I'm talking about people being too simple-minded and people being consumed by consumerism, capitalism, materialism, and all other negative "-isms" you can think of. I'm also talking about art and culture being ignored and set aside because people nowadays prefer to see, hear, and experience garbage and shit in the form of popular culture.

Another point is about how most people's minds shrink down until the shrinking kills their maximum thinking capacity. People may not think critically anymore and they will just obey whatever the mainstream media dictates to them. Hence, they become social zombies.

Once people lay their eyes on too much shallowness and stupidity in the media, they become infected with the mind-shrinking parasites they have acquired from the idiot box or most stations and sites on the radio and the internet, and slowly but surely, the parasites consume their minds and they will become apathetic to the things they should be prioritizing about like education, health, art and culture, and maybe politics.

Is there a possible cure and prevention? There is a possibility for a cure and for ways of prevention. The ways of prevention are: first, switch off your damn televisions if you're watching too much stupidity. Second, don't believe everything and anything you see, hear, and read online or on television or on the radio and even from persons YET. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt before you believe in certain things. The third way is to have an open mind and not absorb everything. Learn how to filter thoughts, beliefs, and opinions. Eat, digest, and swallow if you think it's nice and sensible but spit if it's stupid, disgusting, shallow, and just plain shitty. For the cure, well, smack the bejesus out of the infected individual or kick his or her ass.

If all else fails, stay away from them and keep your sanity and reality in place. Don't let the zombies infect you or else, you'll lose yourself along the hoards of no-brainers. Keep thinking and live your life the way you want it to be. If you heed my advice, you'll be fine. And finally, about those infected, keep them quarantined and keep them away from the uninfected global population.

Innocence Lost?

First of all, forgive me for writing another nostalgic post but don't worry. This is not purely about nostalgia, okay? On to the business...

***

When I look back in my childhood, I usually see kids running around in the streets as they play tag, play with their toys, and even just laugh about their jokes or one of their friends' contagious laughs. I mean, we all have or had that friend who has a very contagious laugh. I also used to see kids riding in their bikes and just, you know, being themselves and acting in their age.

Now, when I look at kids today, I can't help but compare my times to theirs and I think that my childhood might not be what I wanted but at least, I got to experience the great outdoors and running around unlike kids today who are inside the comforts of their homes with gadgets in their hands. Most of the kids I see are not very active anymore and they don't get the chance to explore the world outside themselves. I can still see some kids running around the streets but I think I can count them with the fingers of my hands and feet.

Comparing the kids before and now, I realized that the kids today don't possess this particular innocence that kids before have. They don't actually act like children I used to know before. Before, we whine and cry to our parents because they won't let us out and play with our playmates. Kids these days now wallow because they don't have their PSPs or their cell phones or they're not allowed to play on the computer.

I know that parents are just keeping their children inside their houses to keep an eye on them but seriously... it's better to let them out in the open so that they'll have their chance to explore and experience the things they will never experience once they step into adulthood. Trust me. They might not realize it now but they will realize it when they grow up and it'll be hard for them in adjusting with their lives especially those who are sheltered too much.

One thing that I also noticed that is missing today is the sense of appreciating small things. Kids today beg for their parents to buy them their very own handheld gadget or even cell phone unlike in my childhood or in most adults today's childhood where when our parents allow us to go outside and play after finishing our school assignments and chores, it's like we claimed our victory and freedom in our hands as we ran outside and meet up with our friends.

You might think that I can't move on with my childhood or whatever but from the looks of things, I say that we might be going down because the innocence of the children today are being extinguished by superficial and materialistic things. We might be killing the children's initiative to learn and explore because of too much sheltering.

When I hear the word "youth" before, innocence usually comes into my mind but now... I don't know anymore. I just hope that in some ways, the innocence will be restored in the next generation of children despite the advances in technology and in the environment and in the necessities.

If I ever become a parent, I'll let my children explore and I will not kill their innocence. Of course, I'll protect them with all my might but I won't shelter them too much because for me, it'll be nice to open my children's mind as early as their childhood to prepare them for the things they'll encounter when they finally reach the stage of adulthood.

Do Something

A little heads up: if this blog post offends anyone, it means you're guilty. Thank you and happy reading. :)

When disaster strikes, we all suffer. But why does it feel so inevitable to blame someone or some group or something for what happened? Is it so hard to put down your pointing fingers and start to incorporate ourselves in this mess that we are also responsible for?

I keep hearing the same statements when calamities happen like "blame the government", "blame the president", and this particular statement is the newest and I consider the most absurd, "blame the RH Bill supporters! It's their fault God is mad at us and unleashed His wrath on us."

Before you assume that I'm something I'm not, let me first clarify  this: I believe in God but I don't believe in most of the people because they are too ignorant and close-minded. I mean, come on. Blame those who support a bill? That is a bunch of crap. The last thing I need is people demanding a virgin to be sacrificed to God to stop the disasters from striking and that takes us back to being ancient which is actually inappropriate for the time being.

Going back, everyone has a share of his or her responsibility in this mess. Let it be the government, let it be Catholics, let it be simple people. What happened is our fault. It's our responsibility. Even I have my share in this mess just like everyone else. And guess what have we failed to do that led us to this predicament? What is it, you may ask? Well, my dear readers, followers, and friends, we have failed to do something.

By the way, for my international readers (if there are), I'm talking about what recently happened to my place this past three days. You may have a clue where it is because of the RH Bill but if you still don't have a clue, it's the country that just got flooded because of the torrential rain that has poured down on its soil.

About my previous point, yeah, we all failed to do something that must have been done to lessen the devastation in our place. It's our nation and what happened is a reflection on how we handled and took care of our place. This is the consequence we get from doing nothing, smiling, and saying that we'll get through this. Okay. Time for a reality check. Simply smiling and saying that we'll get through this is not enough to get past this predicament or other predicaments we are currently facing and we will encounter in the future.

We have to do something, people! If you think that doing something might give you an instant effect in the surroundings, it's not. Things don't work that way. We must start small and patient because once we do something, we will notice the effects or the fruits of our labor slowly but surely. Everything in this world takes time especially if it concerns reconstruction, improvement, and development. No one can rebuild a burnt down house within a fraction of a second or even a day. You have to be supernaturally powerful to do it but since this is not fiction, no one has that kind of power.

Anyway, the road to a better life has always been a little rough but we must learn how to be patient and take baby steps in this road because sometimes, once we take a huge step, we will never know what we will lose. So it's better to help our country slowly but surely especially with the help from a lot of pairs of hands.

Instead of just whining and blaming and rallying, why don't we all just do something better than those? Instead of worsening the problem and contributing to the chaos that our country is already known for, why don't we become a small part of a big paradise that will be unlock by a chain reaction of solutions and reactions?

So before I end this post, let me leave you all with a message that goes something like this:

DO SOMETHING. 

An Outburst

Forgive me for this intimate and somewhat messy post but I am in the mood for letting this out because I don't know what will happen to me if I just keep it inside.

I'm a person who's always in touch with my feelings, a person who wears his emotions on his sleeve. I still believe I am but I don't want to get my emotions in the way of my logic. Not anymore. It's not really helping me at all. My emotions make me go back to my past which I really don't want to linger on forever and every time I go back to the past, it's like I'm going down to a deep tunnel and I cave myself inside it. The past also made me go to my most vulnerable state and of course, I never liked it. There are times I wallow suddenly when I'm in that tunnel and I find that a little irrational now because all the events behind my tears look so irrational and stupid... and I hate being stupid! I feel like I want to claim my tears back.

I cry suddenly because I think it'll help me to slowly let go because once I let these tears out, I might be fine at the end of the day but I believe it's just a temporary remedy. I want a permanent cure.

The reason why I am here right now, writing this post, is to let go. Well, I don't expect to believe that after posting this, I think I have let go all of my burdens but if it helps, why not take a shot? Anyway, I don't want to get stuck in this shithole forever. I'm getting messier and messier as the days go by. I don't want to wallow and think of my past in the coming days. I want to move forward and live my life without any worries, hesitations, and fear. Shit. I want to erase all the things that kept my head bound in this phase. I want to let it all go. But I don't know where or how to start.

Maybe talking to a therapist might help or talking to a friend might do it to. I've also thought of dealing with this myself but I always hesitated for I fear the truth. But from the looks of things, dealing and confronting the problems look like a big help now. But first, I need to gather myself and my thoughts before I push this plan.

One Quiet Night

I wrote this one last month. It's an extremely different poem of mine because I wrote it from a different perspective which is from a father's. Of course, I've never been a father yet since I'm young to be one. Once again, if you want to ask for my poems, contact me. Thanks.

ONE QUIET NIGHT

Stars sparkle across the sky

Amidst the vast darkness

Like these glitters in your eyes

Stuck in such a cute mess

It looks like a quiet night

The wind hums you a song

Even without the sunlight

It seems like nothing’s wrong

Lying there in your small bed

Your timid eyes are closed

With these dreams in your young head

You’re happy, I suppose

When the morning comes, I’ll see

Your priceless, earnest face

Your smile means the world to me

Joy binds me in some ways

The world today is spiteful

You’ll understand someday

But you can still be blissful

Just seize your time today

Your little mind can’t perceive

Vexations around us

I’ll take the hurt you’ll receive

To see your beam, I must

Now sleep in your tiny room

Play in your huge dreamland

I’ll shield you from all the gloom

You’ll be safe in my hands

Prepare To Be Amazed

Who never thought a reboot can be this amazing?

The Amazing Spider-Man is a reboot of the Spider-Man films that were directed by Sam Raimi (The Evil Dead, Drag Me to Hell). The latest film is directed by Marc Webb ((500) Days of Summer) and stars Andrew Garfield (The Social Network) and Emma Stone (Easy A, Zombieland). The film goes back to Peter Parker's (Garfield) high school where he acquires his power and adjusts to it while dealing with high school, his past, his crush Gwen Stacy (Stone), and the Lizard (Rhys Ifans).

First of all, I'd like to say that I love this reboot than the previous films. I also loved and enjoyed the previous three but this one really nails it. Director Marc Webb managed to balance comedy, drama, and action here and the drama here is not melodramatic but it's actually human drama. I'd also like to give credit to Webb for his first 3D action film. This is his second film right after his directorial debut in (500) Days of Summer starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. Webb has no troubles shifting from romantic comedy-drama to superhero action and he did so well with the action sequences especially in the third act.

What makes The Amazing Spider-Man different from Raimi's Spider-man films is the realism. Like I said, there's human drama inside and the other is before Spidey can shoot web directly from his wrists, Peter created a device for shooting webs which is also closer to Spidey's comic incarnation. There's also the realism in Peter Parker's character. He's an outcast. He's also nice but there's this certain darkness in him that makes him a bit more realistic like when he finally gets his powers and adjusts to them pretty well, he used them to get even with a school bully. I mean, who wouldn't want to get even when you have powers like that, right?

This particular adaptation is getting closer to its comic source because in this film, Spidey is a smart-ass crime fighter unlike in Raimi's films.

On with the actors, I love Garfield's portrayal of the superhero with his comic timing and he makes a likeable incarnation of one of Marvel Comics' most beloved superheroes. He also gives Peter Parker a certain edge for being a little darker that Tobey Maguire's incarnation. Sorry Tobey. You did good but Andrew's awesome. Emma Stone's Gwen Stacy, on the other hand, is contrasting to Garfield's Peter Parker because of her bubbly personality and expressive eyes. Stone makes a memorable portrayal of Spidey's first and original girlfriend and every time she's on screen, she radiates. I also love Gwen Stacy here because she's a good combination of wit and spunk. She's not the typical damsel-in-distress here. She's smart, she's tough, and she can take care of herself.

One flaw of the film is the character development between Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy which I find a little rushed but I just did not mind because of Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone's on-screen chemistry.

In the end, Spider-Man fans will raise their fists in the air and think that Spidey has reclaimed his glory and won the people's hearts with this reboot. It's a nice and fresh restart of the franchise and I hope the future sequels will maintain or outmatch this film's level of energy, action, comedy, and drama.

RATING: 4.5/5

TRAILER:

Not Another Brain Storm

Summer is almost ending and when it's over, it will be my last summer because if I finally get a job, there will be no two months of slacking off and lazing around. And once this summer is done, it's not the school I'll be looking forward to, it's the workplace and the school and workplace are two extremely different environments that no matter how many analogies you try to make, you still can't find a perfect one to make them similar to each other.

As the month of May goes halfway, I slowly realize that I am still not prepared for what's coming for me in the future days. I'm not talking about my skills. I'm talking about myself. I know I talked about this in the previous post and maybe you're starting to see that I'm redundant but sometimes, one post or in terms of real communication, one conversation is not enough to settle complicated things and you got it right, what I am dealing right now is extremely complicated that it can be life-changing.

I still have some unfinished business in my college life that I need to work on before summer ends for closure that might end up either good or bad. The uncertainty is killing me and my low level of guts is wearing my brain down from too much thinking. I am seriously jaded of hesitating and of going back and forth.

I'm not sure if I can still handle this alone but I'm trying really hard to deal with this by myself. I also can't talk to anyone yet about this because I still have to understand a lot about this one. Maybe a journey of self-discovery is the cure for me because before I can finally make a move on this, I need to understand the nature of this problem which is me.

Anxiety, Transitions, and Closure

I have a job interview tomorrow and it's my first. I'm actually a "little" nervous. I would like to use the word "little" because it might help reduce the nervousness I'm trying to suppress or hide. I know I can handle this but I can't help but feel anxious about it. There. I forgot adding the word.

I'm also anxious about finally leaving the thoughts of a student and embracing the stage of being a young professional. I'll miss talking to my college friends, to be honest. I've never felt so comfortable with them. I will not linger to this point since I have already said these before. I'm a little worried about the people I will meet at work. Will I enjoy working with them? Will I have the chance to make things like college again? I really love hanging out with my college mates because I can laugh out loud and be serious at the same time. I just hope the people I will meet at work will almost be the same or might be better but there's a slim chance they will be better.

I cannot believe I am actually nervous during the summer. I am supposed to be and usually nervous during school days but this is just a different feeling. It's all because of the job-hunting. I know what I tweeted about rejection. (Yeah... I have a Twitter account.) I know that I should suck it up since everyone experiences the feeling of rejection but being rejected hurts a little... Okay, I lied! It hurts. But I must not wallow for so long about rejection because it will not help me and there will be better chances and options for me ahead since I'll be going to some companies with my college friends and look for available jobs.

Now that summer is about to close by the month of June, I want to do a lot of things and enjoy myself before going to work. By the way, for those who didn't know, my place's summer starts from late March or early April to the end of May or early June. Going back, there are a lot of things I want to do and settle before June comes.

Here are some of the to-do things before summer ends:

1. Go to a beach with college friends. 
2. Go to a beach with family and relatives.
3. Finish the script I've been working on for almost a month.
4. Make two films with my college friends: One for the school and one for a film festival.
5. Closure. I want to move on just like everyone else.

I'd really go to a beach with my college friends and with my family and relatives but on different times because it will be a first for me to go to a beach or to go out of the city with my college friends and I would love to hang out with them before going separate ways for the time being. I also want to go with my family and relatives because it's been a while since I had fun with them and maybe, this summer is a good time for me to enjoy with them too. 

I want to finish the script I've been working on. I'm still writing its sequence treatment and I'm stuck. I haven't touched it for a while. I have a lot of unfinished scripts but I really hope to finish this particular script because I love the concept. 

I have to admit, I enjoy making films with my college friends so I really want to shoot with them. I can learn a lot of things from them since they know more about film making than I do and it's really nice to bond with them.

And finally, there's the closure. This closure has two contexts to me. It can be: one, closure of college and moving on to young adulthood, and lastly, a feeling that must be said to a certain someone so I can finally move on. I won't pry on that one because I would rather talk about it personally to someone I can really trust and someone who will not judge me in advance.

So there you have it. These are the things stuck in my mind this summer. If I haven't written for a long time, just assume that I am okay and doing good. If you think otherwise, well, at least, it will be okay. (For the readers, you have an idea where I somehow got this statement or at least, the sense of it. By the way, thanks Charlie for reminding me that I am not the only one. ) 

Fruit of My Mistake: Volume 3

This might be the ultimate farewell poem I've ever written. For those who want to borrow my poems or something like that, ask my permission first.

MY MIND’S CURE

Time and fate have kept us apart

I fear our paths will never meet

My mind, defeated by my heart

To bear this feeling in discreet

I told myself not to go back

To the moment I can’t forget

I see that strength is what I lack

And now I look back in regret

There's no more chance to let this out

So I will say this slow but sure

You might know what this is about

I will say this for my mind’s cure

I like you ever since that day

You have been my strong temptation

I hope this is enough to say

You too were my inspiration

Farewells are inevitable

And yet I still hope to see you

Our past has been regrettable

Closure is all I want to do

I don’t want to feel anymore

This like or love or whatever

It’s time to close the open door

I don’t want to let you linger

I’ll move on and leave my feelings

Keep it between you and me

Let this end be a beginning

That is another way to see

There will be no tears to be shed

Let’s not try to find each other

There is nothing left to be said

For this chapter is now over

Graduation Blues

I just got home and feeling a little intoxicated from celebrating Film Society's anniversary. I'll miss the people in this organization. They are totally awesome people and ever since I joined this org, a lot of things have transpired and affected me deeply. I even never thought that these people will accept me for who I am and I felt so comfortable being myself with them.

Not only will I miss the org and its people but I will also miss a lot of my mates in college. I also learned a lot from them about dealing with other kinds of personalities and dealing with life itself. I learned a lot of good things and some bad habits but sometimes, it's okay to be flawed unlike in high school where teenagers are judged on how they look and act and once you did something pretty embarrassing, it'll stick up their tiny minds and will remember you for that sole act of humiliation. In college, when you did something embarrassing, it'll turn out to be funny and your mates will laugh with you, not at you.

I'll miss the sections I've been into and the closest friends I met in those sections. They are absolutely better than high school in general. You can sense my bitterness towards high school. For my high school friends, I also enjoy your company of course. Don't get me wrong, okay? You all know the things I went through and survived.

Besides the students, I'll also terribly miss some of my mentors in college especially those who've become my acquaintances and friends. I'm not a suck-up to my professors during classes but they are really approachable when classes are over. They are actually cool and can crack up jokes. They're not really strict outside the four walls of the classrooms. I'll never forget the laughs I shared with certain professors during thesis writings and just hanging out with them during breaks.

One of the few things I won't miss is the school and its terrible and complicated system. I won't elaborate on this one as it ruins the mood. I'll just leave it as is. People will have to see the flaws for themselves.

It just sucks that good things will come to an end and this is one of the good things I'll be having a hard time to let go since I am just starting to enjoy it but what the hell. It's my loss. College life has somehow become the best part of my life because I really enjoyed participating and becoming a part of other people's lives. Even if I hesitated to get out of my shell at first, I really had a good time. I also learned a lot and college life has opened my mind to a lot of perspectives and lessons that the classroom can't give me.

Now that one more event awaits me before I finally and officially leave the phase of college, I face uncertainty. I'm uncertain of what will happen next after graduation, how I'll begin my life as a fresh graduate and where I'll look for jobs. With the help of college, I am somehow equipped with the skills and traits that made me into who I am right now and I hope I can use them well to help me get a job and of course, to feel better about myself.

To the people who've been a part of my four years of college, thank you and I know that graduation will not be the last time we will all see each other. The earth is still small and we will find each other in some ways. The sentences popping inside my head are getting sappy and cheesy so I guess I'll stop here before it gets worse.

When Cloverfield Meets Heroes

What happens when you combine Cloverfield and Heroes? You'll get Chronicle, a jaw-dropping, exhilarating science-fiction and superhero film shot in found-footage style similar to Cloverfield.

Chronicle is about three teenagers who gained superhuman powers from their discovery. As days passes, their abilities develop and they slowly descend to the darkest place that not one of them has ever reached before.

The movie is a good, refreshing take on the superhero story, sci-fi, and found-footage films. It has a lot of surprises up its sleeve for the viewers. With the seemingly typical exposition in the beginning, it made me think that this will be a typical or not-so special movie. Characters are three male high school students. One of them is a shy and bullied loner named Andrew (Dane DeHaan). The other is his cousin, Matt (Alex Russell) who acts more like a family to Andrew than Andrew's father. The last one is the smart and athletic student named Steve (Michael B. Jordan, not the basketball player!) who recently made friends with the unpopular Andrew. It's almost like a formula for high school stories with laughs for the first act but as the film goes down to the third act, the tone gets more and more serious and dark.

One of the things I love in Chronicle is its characters especially Andrew. I actually felt sympathetic to him and even if he wreaks havoc in the streets of Seattle, I smile a little because he's finally rising to the occasion of being strong and defying the things that hinder him to get out of his shell. I find him a reflection of myself before and in the climax of the movie, he is some sort of my frustrated dream personified. Dane DeHaan gave Andrew some justice. He made the character equally sympathetic and also dark. The characters are written and acted so well that they are almost like real-life humans in the other side of the planet.

The visual effects here are also top-notched. Made with a budget of $ 15 million, the effects here made the film look like a blockbuster especially in the final act which is one of the most chaotic and thrilling sequences I've seen for 2012.

I also love its cinematography that it made me feel like I am actually experiencing the whole movie. I got absorbed in the flying sequence with clouds passing through the camera as the heroes spin around gleefully. Another awesome take for the found-footage style is its different points of view. The first is the view presented by Andrew's camera as he decided to film his life even before the discovery. Second is Casey's (Ashley Hinshaw) camera's point of view. She's a video blogger and a love interest for Matt by the way. In the third act, the film is presented by different cameras like the helicopter camera, police car cameras, CCTVs, and even the bystanders' cameras. This take defies the found-footage style of having only a single point of view.

And last is the story and script. Like I said, the concept is one unique and refreshing take on the superhero movies. It's smart and fast-paced yet it has human drama, comedy, and action. It's one of those entertaining film that I won't forget and I'm thinking of including it to my all-time favorite films list.

RATING: 5/5

TRAILER:

(Trailer courtesy of YouTube)

Those Were the Days

I saw this picture on 9Gag.com this morning and I can't help but to miss my childhood and feel lonely about those days. Those were really the days. Even if I did not have a generally good childhood, I enjoyed the times I go out of my house and see my friends. When we go out, we just sit and hang out under a tree near my house even at night and we just talk, make jokes, and laugh about them and we even go home at around midnight because of hanging out. Now, nothing's really funny when my friends make jokes online and through text messages. 

I know that mobile phones and social networking sites are created and developed to maintain the connection between us and our friends. I know the developers are aiming for that but unfortunately, the mass took it to a different direction. Most of us, myself included, got addicted with these innovations and relied too much from them to maintain the connection and communication. Yeah, my friends don't really have the time and all and these things help us connect to each other but we took these to a different level, a different degree of usage. We went a bit overboard because now, when I go out of my house and into the streets, I only see few kids and I can't hear any laughter or footsteps from kids chasing each other around. I bet most of them got hooked with the social networking sites and mobile phones. 

I'm not really blaming the developers for the effects because they created these innovations to help us. Mankind just got addicted to them and they are having a hard time to let go. It seems that because of the easy access to our friends to chatting and text messaging, we rely so hard on them. We have forgotten the essence of going outside and hanging out with them and just talk. We forgot about the meaning of our friends' actual presence and the true feeling of companionship and maybe what it's like to laugh out loud with all our friends' jokes and remembering all the funny and embarrassing memories. 

It looks like most kids of today will never know and enjoy the meaning and feeling of going outside and enjoy the childhood games because they will be imprisoned in their own rooms or in their houses looking at their mobile phones and computers or laptops and just sit there to waste their childhood. If I'm a parent, I would be sad for my kids if they turned into this. 

Creating My Own Pace of Life

Hey. It's Zepp with his first post for 2012-- What the hell. Who am I kidding? I thought I can do well with my new year's resolution but I sucked. Not really doing well with concentration issues for I am still distracted with my studies. Maybe it's because I really lack the motivation and I'm trying to look for one. I only have two months to go before I leave college and I am hoping to leave in one piece but there are a lot of challenges and tasks to be done before I leave.

Two months may seem so far but in today's time, it's not. People just care less of the time and bam! It's already March or whatever month they were waiting for. Like what I said in one of my blog posts last year, today's life is on the fast pace.Well I say, screw that! I can create my own pace of life, my life. It's not that I don't care about whatever's going on and it's also not that I don't care about deadlines but sometimes, I don't have to drown myself with school works and other works that needs to be done. I also want to have the full control of my time and life.

That's also one of the things I'm considering when I look for a job. I want to write but I'd love to write in a comfortable environment that has less to no distractions. I'd like not to rush with things because I have my own pace. It looks like I'm a slacker with what I'm saying but most people can understand this, right? And maybe deep within themselves, they also want this.

I don't want to complicate my life any further. Living was simple before and now, man has made ways to make life more complicated and sophisticated. As the times go by, man's needs begin to get more complex and when it has reached too much complexity, they whine about the complexity and from there, they want another change that they think can help life to be easier but once again, the cycle starts over. Usually, people try to follow this current and in the end, some managed to hold on while others got washed up and left behind or maybe ended up somewhere else. Those who remain in the drift might end up like those who were "lost" but those who got out of the current sooner may end up creating their own lifestyle and be the captain of their own boat.

Me? I want to get lost in the waves and just start anew but I think that's a bit soon to say since I don't have any foundation yet to start one. *sigh* But if I really do get the chance to do this, I will take it and leave. By the way, I am still planning on fulfilling my new year's resolution even if it's already been 16 days since 2012 came. I will really fulfill my list. I just need to concentrate and not lose track of what I'm doing. Take a deep breath and go on.