Not Another Brain Storm

Summer is almost ending and when it's over, it will be my last summer because if I finally get a job, there will be no two months of slacking off and lazing around. And once this summer is done, it's not the school I'll be looking forward to, it's the workplace and the school and workplace are two extremely different environments that no matter how many analogies you try to make, you still can't find a perfect one to make them similar to each other.

As the month of May goes halfway, I slowly realize that I am still not prepared for what's coming for me in the future days. I'm not talking about my skills. I'm talking about myself. I know I talked about this in the previous post and maybe you're starting to see that I'm redundant but sometimes, one post or in terms of real communication, one conversation is not enough to settle complicated things and you got it right, what I am dealing right now is extremely complicated that it can be life-changing.

I still have some unfinished business in my college life that I need to work on before summer ends for closure that might end up either good or bad. The uncertainty is killing me and my low level of guts is wearing my brain down from too much thinking. I am seriously jaded of hesitating and of going back and forth.

I'm not sure if I can still handle this alone but I'm trying really hard to deal with this by myself. I also can't talk to anyone yet about this because I still have to understand a lot about this one. Maybe a journey of self-discovery is the cure for me because before I can finally make a move on this, I need to understand the nature of this problem which is me.

Anxiety, Transitions, and Closure

I have a job interview tomorrow and it's my first. I'm actually a "little" nervous. I would like to use the word "little" because it might help reduce the nervousness I'm trying to suppress or hide. I know I can handle this but I can't help but feel anxious about it. There. I forgot adding the word.

I'm also anxious about finally leaving the thoughts of a student and embracing the stage of being a young professional. I'll miss talking to my college friends, to be honest. I've never felt so comfortable with them. I will not linger to this point since I have already said these before. I'm a little worried about the people I will meet at work. Will I enjoy working with them? Will I have the chance to make things like college again? I really love hanging out with my college mates because I can laugh out loud and be serious at the same time. I just hope the people I will meet at work will almost be the same or might be better but there's a slim chance they will be better.

I cannot believe I am actually nervous during the summer. I am supposed to be and usually nervous during school days but this is just a different feeling. It's all because of the job-hunting. I know what I tweeted about rejection. (Yeah... I have a Twitter account.) I know that I should suck it up since everyone experiences the feeling of rejection but being rejected hurts a little... Okay, I lied! It hurts. But I must not wallow for so long about rejection because it will not help me and there will be better chances and options for me ahead since I'll be going to some companies with my college friends and look for available jobs.

Now that summer is about to close by the month of June, I want to do a lot of things and enjoy myself before going to work. By the way, for those who didn't know, my place's summer starts from late March or early April to the end of May or early June. Going back, there are a lot of things I want to do and settle before June comes.

Here are some of the to-do things before summer ends:

1. Go to a beach with college friends. 
2. Go to a beach with family and relatives.
3. Finish the script I've been working on for almost a month.
4. Make two films with my college friends: One for the school and one for a film festival.
5. Closure. I want to move on just like everyone else.

I'd really go to a beach with my college friends and with my family and relatives but on different times because it will be a first for me to go to a beach or to go out of the city with my college friends and I would love to hang out with them before going separate ways for the time being. I also want to go with my family and relatives because it's been a while since I had fun with them and maybe, this summer is a good time for me to enjoy with them too. 

I want to finish the script I've been working on. I'm still writing its sequence treatment and I'm stuck. I haven't touched it for a while. I have a lot of unfinished scripts but I really hope to finish this particular script because I love the concept. 

I have to admit, I enjoy making films with my college friends so I really want to shoot with them. I can learn a lot of things from them since they know more about film making than I do and it's really nice to bond with them.

And finally, there's the closure. This closure has two contexts to me. It can be: one, closure of college and moving on to young adulthood, and lastly, a feeling that must be said to a certain someone so I can finally move on. I won't pry on that one because I would rather talk about it personally to someone I can really trust and someone who will not judge me in advance.

So there you have it. These are the things stuck in my mind this summer. If I haven't written for a long time, just assume that I am okay and doing good. If you think otherwise, well, at least, it will be okay. (For the readers, you have an idea where I somehow got this statement or at least, the sense of it. By the way, thanks Charlie for reminding me that I am not the only one. ) 

Fruit of My Mistake: Volume 3

This might be the ultimate farewell poem I've ever written. For those who want to borrow my poems or something like that, ask my permission first.

MY MIND’S CURE

Time and fate have kept us apart

I fear our paths will never meet

My mind, defeated by my heart

To bear this feeling in discreet

I told myself not to go back

To the moment I can’t forget

I see that strength is what I lack

And now I look back in regret

There's no more chance to let this out

So I will say this slow but sure

You might know what this is about

I will say this for my mind’s cure

I like you ever since that day

You have been my strong temptation

I hope this is enough to say

You too were my inspiration

Farewells are inevitable

And yet I still hope to see you

Our past has been regrettable

Closure is all I want to do

I don’t want to feel anymore

This like or love or whatever

It’s time to close the open door

I don’t want to let you linger

I’ll move on and leave my feelings

Keep it between you and me

Let this end be a beginning

That is another way to see

There will be no tears to be shed

Let’s not try to find each other

There is nothing left to be said

For this chapter is now over