My Own Saga: Endure and Survive

Dear friend,

I started working again last week. I'm back to the office world again and I'm thankful for this second chance. I'd like to take this as a redemption because of the mishap I did with my first although there will be some adjustments and sacrifices I have to make along the way.

I almost got used to the slacker lifestyle; I'm referring to the homebody type of life. I almost indulged myself with the perks of staying at home and cruising through the day. I need to change that since I need this job for a lot of things. One thing is a camera for business and artistic purposes. But I'll have to endure to survive and maintain my composure and sanity before I get to that sub-goal. So I need to adjust myself for I still think I'm stuck in the transition or I think I have what is known as the "post-graduate syndrome".

Going back to my work, the workplace is all right. The atmosphere's pretty light but the challenges set the pressure. People there are really welcoming and cool. They're really hospitable since day 1. But there's one thing I don't like in the workplace is its location.

The workplace is set in one of the busiest places in the world or perhaps, the busiest place in my world. The flow of traffic there sucks my soul and I mean literally because it really drains my energy from going there to going home.

First, I have to wait for 40 minutes to an hour for a ride to work. Then, the travel time lasts for around two hours because of the heavy flow of traffic and a huge volume of cars on the road. Almost every road we take is fucking congested. There is rarely a smooth moment during the travels unless I go to work in the weekends and holidays which might be a rare thing [I hope].

Of course, life in that particular city is fucking expensive. The travel fare is damn expensive. The food can be pricey too if you choose to eat in a good place. There are decent places to eat like the fast food chains though my appetite won't be satisfied in those stores. Thankfully, the workplace offers food in a reasonable way so expenses are lessened a little.

The city also tests my limits and patience because there will always be challenges everyday like lines in terminals and congested traffic conditions at night. I even thought of staying a little late just to get home smoothly though it's not really a recommended idea since I live far and I have to sleep early just to get to work on time.

One thing I have to sacrifice is my passion and you perhaps have some idea of what that passion is so I will not elaborate that anymore. I'll have to sacrifice a little of that passion to sustain and support myself and even contribute to the family as well. I can't rely on my parents forever since they only have a few years before retiring.

My friends and I started a film production last year and we recently thought of turning it into a source of profit as well. That explains the reason for the need of a camera. The idea is quite nice because I can actually practice my skills from my course and make money out of the experience too. It's a nice package to be honest. But first, I have to finish the transition and get out of the "post-grad syndrome" to finally establish my foundations firmly.

Damn. I think I should be sleeping too since I have work tomorrow. I'm still getting used again to the idea of waking up early again. It's like going back to school except you're not dealing with people who are mostly like my age and every action I'll make and take will weigh the outcome in the coming days and months.

So I guess I'll stop here for now. It's been nice to write again. I just hope to get through this unscathed or at least with a few scratches along the way.

I'll have to remember this as well for motivation:

"ENDURE AND SURVIVE."

Sincerely,

Zepp 

My Own Saga: Lost in the Smoke

Dear friend,

It's been a while since I last wrote here. A lot of things happened when I was gone. Many left while some stayed... or something along those lines. I'm a little intoxicated right now. My head is a little woozy but I can't sleep yet since I feel the urge to write something here. Well, it's because I felt I sort of abandoned this blog to be exact.

What's happening with me right now, you may ask? I was busy these past 5 months. I was busy with being a production assistant in several films and one television series. The whole experience was tiring yet rewarding since I met a lot of good people. They were really fun. I think I mentioned them in my previous posts.

Right now, I'm not preoccupied with any projects. I'm getting a little unmotivated with transcribing materials. I've been busy with other things like making short films and skits with my friends and covering events for clients. I've been looking for jobs again. I'll apply for another job tomorrow. I hope to nail this one because practically speaking, I really need a stable job with a fixed income.

My mom has been complaining for quite a while because I don't have a regular job and she keeps on saying that I should have a job that has a fixed income and benefits. I understand her point and it somehow convinced me to look for another job once more because the transcribing gig is unpredictable when it comes to distributing income. I'm also almost broke so I also need to earn money to save up for a camera.

That's my professional and financial status so far. About my personal life, all I can say is that it's a little messed up, both positively and negatively. It's positive because my life is not monotonous and it's negative because I'm sort of losing control over myself.

I've been smoking since July. I know it's not good yet I keep on smoking. I'm NOT a chain smoker though and I can pull off a maximum of two weeks so far without smoking. I think I only smoke when I'm under stress and with my friends. I don't smoke at home or near its premises or my life will get more wild and "dramatic". I consider smoking as a "guilty pleasure" and I want to stop before something bad develops. I've also been eating too much sweets so I need to lessen that too.

About the affections, they somehow decreased but they tend to resurface when these persons reappear in any form in my life like for example, this particular person's name keeps on appearing in my face anywhere and anytime and I'm like, "What the fuck, fate? What are you trying to say?" Excuse my language. Then, for the second person, I've been thinking of talking to that person and try to be friends again. I know I messed up but I need that person for motivation. I don't care about intimacy. I need motivation.

Speaking of motivation, I really do need motivation right now. I remember one friend told me that I'm weird but my weirdness is okay because I tend to surprise people with the things I'm capable of and I was also surprised of that about myself too. When she said that to me, I miss that part of myself where I try to prove to myself and to other people the things I can do. I miss being inspired, motivated, and driven. I miss the energy and adrenaline pushing me to do things.

Now, I'm loose. I am confused and lost. I'm still trying to figure out where I'm heading. I'm still searching for a form of motivation or inspiration. I want that kind of motivation back in my life again because I want to be proud of myself more. I don't want to feel helpless or reckless. I don't want to self-destruct anymore.

I don't want to stray further.

I want to get back on track.

So there you have it. I think I just summarized the happenings of my life so far. Either that or I might be forgetting more details but I can't write them anymore because I can't remember or think anymore of what to add here.

I really suck at ending my posts. I miss writing though. I miss writing poems and scripts. All I need is inspiration so I'll just keep on looking.

Thank you for staying and reading all these blubbering from my mind.

Sincerely,

Zepp

My Own Saga: Appreciations

Dear friend,

I had a dream two days ago. I and a significant girl were in a building. I think we were inside our university in my dream. Then suddenly, she just cried and I hugged her to comfort her. At first, it was awkward because we are not exactly in good terms for a while and even until now. But in that dream, I just want to hug her and make her feel better. Then I woke up after that.

I know that dreams sometimes communicate what the subconscious or maybe the mind itself wants to say to you and it manifests like it's bursting out of the balloon. After waking up from that dream, I realize that I think I like her and maybe, I need her after all.

This particular girl I'm talking about has been a really good friend to me during my last year of college life. Then, she revealed to me after college that she likes me. I don't know if she still does after what I did to her which I deeply regret. Anyway, she and the rest of my college friends made my college days awesome but I made a lot of awesome memories with this girl because she made me experience things I've never done before we got together and hang out.

She took me to watch foreign films for free in some mall during the summer vacation before college graduation. She introduced me to a lot of things and schools of thoughts. She gave me a deeper insight about art and life. She took me out of my shell. And the most significant and sweetest thing I have ever received from someone is that she made me feel I exist and I'm a significant person.

She accepted my flaws and understood my lunacy. 

And I think that's a rare thing to happen because I think I'm totally messed up and an emotional wreck.

I don't want this post to become an emotional one and pour out all my regrets here. I want this post to be memorable to appreciate her for all the things she did for me. I deeply regret what I did to her, for hurting her feelings to be exact and I want to redeem myself and start over with her. I think I am ready. I just hope she forgives me and we'll take things from there.

Sincerely,

Zepp

New Year's Resolution and Shit

I only have a few more minutes to accomplish this and I still don't know how I'll pull this one off. You see, 2012 has been one hell of a year for me. Most days are not dull and there are days that are indeed dull. I don't know if I learned a lot of things this year because even if I did, this crazy mind of mine keeps making me the same mistakes I want to avoid for a long time. I hate my mind. I hate it for making me do these stupid and illogical things I can't even explain to myself why I did them.

Instead of being outside, I opted to stay in my room and try to get this post over with. I have been struggling to write this post for a while now. I don't know why I can't write what I should have written a few hours before and even things I should have done before. WHOA. Where the hell did that statement come from!? See!? My mind is now playing tricks on me. I am really sorry for being unstable. Honest. I really am sorry.

I can see a lot of beautiful fireworks going off in the sky so I better get this over with now. So where should I start?

Well, first thing is the transition. I struggled to change and adjust to a lot of things and I think I have failed to adjust to most things, especially to love. I blame my unstable and messed up emotional state for this. I had a withdrawal to what is supposed to be my first significant relationship with the opposite sex and yet, I don't know if I blew it or not. I don't really know if I really like her or just admire her for who she is.

There's also the delayed adjustment from being a student to a young professional or young adult (since I still have yet to experience a job next year). I had some attempts to get my life started on being a young professional and yet, the grip seems to be weak so it somehow let me go for an immature amount of time because of some circumstances and controversies (and no, I am not involve with the controversies around).

Third and possibly last is my fragile and unstable mind state. Not just the emotional state but also my mental state. You might think I am sort of a lunatic right now. You be the judge. But I am still troubled on a lot of things that I cannot explain and enumerate what things are bothering me right now because I am distracted with the time pressure and the fireworks outside. You have to forgive and believe me. (Why am I saying this thing if there is no one reading this crap I am writing?)

Okay. I think I may have written too much about what's on my mind this concluding year. Time to move on to the next part of the post: the New Year's resolution.

***

I am once again here writing a New Year's resolution that I don't know if I can accomplish all of these or maybe most of these in the coming year. But I really hope I can fulfill them without hesitations and without fear because I really could use to change. 

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION 2013

1. No more tears and fears for the new year. I don't want to hesitate on doing most things I want to do except if I know that it will lead to a mistake. I want to fully live my life without the fear of having a lot of regrets.
2. No more impulsiveness, no more recklessness. I have been too impulsive (to my idealism) this concluding year and because of this, I have become reckless and somehow irresponsible for my actions. Thus, I think of myself as immature, still and unfortunately. I don't want to be in this state anymore. I need to grow up.
3. Make responsibility an ability. In connection with the previous item, I have to responsible with my actions to avoid more regrets in the future. I have already blown some opportunities and experiences to myself. I do not want to torture myself anymore because of the regrets and stupidities.
4. Less whining, more living. For the past year, I have been whining more and living less. I failed to live my life to the fullest. So in the spirit of the new year, I will try my best to acknowledge life how it should be acknowledged and throw away the whines.
5. Be emotionally healthy.  I don't want to torture myself anymore. I don't want to be conflicted and confused because of my frail emotional state. If I need to talk to someone, I'll have to find someone from now on. I don't have to keep a lot of things to myself from here on.
6. Consideration will sometimes be an option. This item is a little weird because I am not sure of the construction of the sentence. From now on, I have to consider some of my actions especially if these actions will affect a lot of people and not only that but if they will have a huge effect in my life.
7. Love thy self. This is in connection with number five. If I need to be emotionally healthy, I must learn to accept my flaws and love myself first. 
8. Lurking is not helping. Lurking and dwelling in the past has never been helpful to anyone, not even to me. I know that a lot of people have said this to me and I should have moved on a long time ago. So in the spirit of the new year (again), I'll be leaving a lot of things behind and just embrace the new year.
9. Prove them wrong once in a while. People sometimes talk like hell that drags me down. This coming year, I would like to prove them wrong and I would love to see their faces after. It's not an issue of pride, okay?

Once again, if I forget some things, I will try to add them here later but I only have two minutes before 2012 is over so I have to get this over with.

For those who stayed with me until the end, thank you. For the new friends, it's nice to meet you and I hope to see you people more. For the people I admire, improve and stay awesome. For the people I love, I love you all eternally. 

Thank you and a Happy New Year!

If the World Will End...

Forgive the overwhelmingly negative post (if you think it's a pessimistic entry) and the inconsistencies if there are.

***

December 21st, 2012. We all know the date. Some of the population fear this date while some don't and others just don't care. Me? I'm sort of between the latter two. What will happen on this specific day, you may ask? You may have heard a lot of theories about the possible events on this day so I won't dwell on this subject now. Besides, I'm not here to discuss the "apocalypse" itself.

There's this horror film I watched a few months ago which is now one of my all-time favorites. There's this particular scene in the film where our hero and heroine let the world end and the heroine said that "it's time to give someone else a chance." I can't tell their names and the film's title because what I just said here is a BIG SPOILER, as you can see with the capitalized letters. With this being said, I am sort of agreeing with what they think about the world ending and their reason why they should just end it instead of saving mankind.

I can't tell specifically how much faith I still have for our kind but all I know is that it's below the middle or the appropriate amount of faith if there's such a thing. Not being a pessimist here. I'm just saying because of the things I see lately.

You see, the world today has collapsed. You may not see it with your eyes but if you actually process the things you see, you may arrive at the same conclusion as mine. Stupidity and absurdity have dominated and overshadowed intelligence, practicality, and rationality. Some of us are surrounded by madness and violence while others are clouded with materialism, power, and pride.

Sadly, there's this news in Connecticut where a 20-year old shooter killed 27 people that includes 20 children, and then shot himself. Violence has taken its toll and innocence is an unfortunate victim in this incident.

Also, our priorities are messed up and it has reached the below zero level of absurdity where we prioritize the smallest endeavors that have no lifetime effect instead of bigger challenges and things that give us a chance to turn their lives around.

We spend too much time worrying about what to share on our social networking accounts. We also ponder and wallow too much with the affections of others when we should be reflecting about how we should live our lives. "There's more to life than love," as what one local celebrity said. We think too much of how we look good in the eyes of others instead of feeling good about ourselves. We also pour our time too much on the thoughts of trying to fit in the wrong kind of people, more specifically, the zombies who prey on your self-identity or individuality.  By the way, take note of the word "too much" there before you say anything.

Basically, we lament and reflect on the wrong priorities. Well, I don't want to consider them as priorities because they are not really a necessity and what I mean with necessity is that a necessity that has a lifetime impact like the basic needs. I guess you all know Carl Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. There are also BIGGER THINGS we should worry about like making our world a better place to live in and making our lives worthwhile besides the basic necessities.

These points aside, I agree that it's time to give someone (or something) else a chance. Humanity, we have plunged into a deeper darkness. It will be hard to get out unless all of us will cooperate. The world might need new and better caretakers of the planet and history needs a new era of lesser shame and brighter future because this era has gone bleak.

Now before I end this, let me leave you with a question.

Is humanity still worth saving for?

Anxiety, Transitions, and Closure

I have a job interview tomorrow and it's my first. I'm actually a "little" nervous. I would like to use the word "little" because it might help reduce the nervousness I'm trying to suppress or hide. I know I can handle this but I can't help but feel anxious about it. There. I forgot adding the word.

I'm also anxious about finally leaving the thoughts of a student and embracing the stage of being a young professional. I'll miss talking to my college friends, to be honest. I've never felt so comfortable with them. I will not linger to this point since I have already said these before. I'm a little worried about the people I will meet at work. Will I enjoy working with them? Will I have the chance to make things like college again? I really love hanging out with my college mates because I can laugh out loud and be serious at the same time. I just hope the people I will meet at work will almost be the same or might be better but there's a slim chance they will be better.

I cannot believe I am actually nervous during the summer. I am supposed to be and usually nervous during school days but this is just a different feeling. It's all because of the job-hunting. I know what I tweeted about rejection. (Yeah... I have a Twitter account.) I know that I should suck it up since everyone experiences the feeling of rejection but being rejected hurts a little... Okay, I lied! It hurts. But I must not wallow for so long about rejection because it will not help me and there will be better chances and options for me ahead since I'll be going to some companies with my college friends and look for available jobs.

Now that summer is about to close by the month of June, I want to do a lot of things and enjoy myself before going to work. By the way, for those who didn't know, my place's summer starts from late March or early April to the end of May or early June. Going back, there are a lot of things I want to do and settle before June comes.

Here are some of the to-do things before summer ends:

1. Go to a beach with college friends. 
2. Go to a beach with family and relatives.
3. Finish the script I've been working on for almost a month.
4. Make two films with my college friends: One for the school and one for a film festival.
5. Closure. I want to move on just like everyone else.

I'd really go to a beach with my college friends and with my family and relatives but on different times because it will be a first for me to go to a beach or to go out of the city with my college friends and I would love to hang out with them before going separate ways for the time being. I also want to go with my family and relatives because it's been a while since I had fun with them and maybe, this summer is a good time for me to enjoy with them too. 

I want to finish the script I've been working on. I'm still writing its sequence treatment and I'm stuck. I haven't touched it for a while. I have a lot of unfinished scripts but I really hope to finish this particular script because I love the concept. 

I have to admit, I enjoy making films with my college friends so I really want to shoot with them. I can learn a lot of things from them since they know more about film making than I do and it's really nice to bond with them.

And finally, there's the closure. This closure has two contexts to me. It can be: one, closure of college and moving on to young adulthood, and lastly, a feeling that must be said to a certain someone so I can finally move on. I won't pry on that one because I would rather talk about it personally to someone I can really trust and someone who will not judge me in advance.

So there you have it. These are the things stuck in my mind this summer. If I haven't written for a long time, just assume that I am okay and doing good. If you think otherwise, well, at least, it will be okay. (For the readers, you have an idea where I somehow got this statement or at least, the sense of it. By the way, thanks Charlie for reminding me that I am not the only one. ) 

Creating My Own Pace of Life

Hey. It's Zepp with his first post for 2012-- What the hell. Who am I kidding? I thought I can do well with my new year's resolution but I sucked. Not really doing well with concentration issues for I am still distracted with my studies. Maybe it's because I really lack the motivation and I'm trying to look for one. I only have two months to go before I leave college and I am hoping to leave in one piece but there are a lot of challenges and tasks to be done before I leave.

Two months may seem so far but in today's time, it's not. People just care less of the time and bam! It's already March or whatever month they were waiting for. Like what I said in one of my blog posts last year, today's life is on the fast pace.Well I say, screw that! I can create my own pace of life, my life. It's not that I don't care about whatever's going on and it's also not that I don't care about deadlines but sometimes, I don't have to drown myself with school works and other works that needs to be done. I also want to have the full control of my time and life.

That's also one of the things I'm considering when I look for a job. I want to write but I'd love to write in a comfortable environment that has less to no distractions. I'd like not to rush with things because I have my own pace. It looks like I'm a slacker with what I'm saying but most people can understand this, right? And maybe deep within themselves, they also want this.

I don't want to complicate my life any further. Living was simple before and now, man has made ways to make life more complicated and sophisticated. As the times go by, man's needs begin to get more complex and when it has reached too much complexity, they whine about the complexity and from there, they want another change that they think can help life to be easier but once again, the cycle starts over. Usually, people try to follow this current and in the end, some managed to hold on while others got washed up and left behind or maybe ended up somewhere else. Those who remain in the drift might end up like those who were "lost" but those who got out of the current sooner may end up creating their own lifestyle and be the captain of their own boat.

Me? I want to get lost in the waves and just start anew but I think that's a bit soon to say since I don't have any foundation yet to start one. *sigh* But if I really do get the chance to do this, I will take it and leave. By the way, I am still planning on fulfilling my new year's resolution even if it's already been 16 days since 2012 came. I will really fulfill my list. I just need to concentrate and not lose track of what I'm doing. Take a deep breath and go on.

New Year's Resolution and a Look Back to 2011

2011, like I said in some social networking site, has been a very tumultuous year for me. A lot has happened. Obviously. The year can possibly be summarized through my blog posts here but there are still events I left out here because some are too big while some are too small to matter. Many memories will be treasured and many memories will be thrown away. I had quite a lot of experiences this year and most of these experiences changed and rocked the way I lived my life yet I still have so many things to go through and understand to grow up.

There are times I am very proud of what I've become. There were these times I've never felt happy of what I've done to myself and the things I have achieved this year though I achieved a little. There were also the times where I regret all my failures due to cowardice and of course, the awkwardness of the situation to me which most or maybe all of you may not understand. These were the times where I want to hit myself very hard in the head or bump my head so hard on the wall that I die instantly due to severe head trauma and hemorrhage. Yeah. I am that hard to myself.

I also became free this year and learned a lot of things from living away from home. I also met a lot of people and experienced the things I never experienced when living at home because of this newly-gained freedom. (It's not really new anymore.) I know I sounded like a child who just got out of its crib for the first time but I treasure this freedom because I know it will help me more in understanding the things I'll experience when I finally left the comforts of my house and my parents.

2011 is a very emotional year for me as evident with "Breaking Down" posts. I have never cried this many in the previous years and yeah, I cry! Okay! It may be too sensitive for me to cry but come on, I can still break down, you know.

Anyway, if you wish to look back on what has happened to my 2011, you can do so with the chronicles while I move on to my second part of this post which is my new year's resolution. I am taking this chance and time to write something long and meaningful to say goodbye and leave all the troubles of 2011 behind and wave hello to the New Year, to 2012. Maybe it'll take time for my first post for 2012 because I'll be focusing on my studies now. (Please let me focus...)

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION:

1. I have already mentioned the first one above which is to focus on my studies. I am literally shaken with what's happening to me in the academic part of my life. Looks like I had too much fun. It's really time to put my game face on.
2. To really concentrate on studying, I'll reduce my time on the Internet. Social networking sites have been a distraction to me. I always end up procrastinating on Facebook and rushing with my homework. I must be really really sad with my life right now knowing that I spend too much time on Facebook. 
3. Think before I act. I know I don't want to think too much but of course, I have to think fast right now for we live in a world with a fast pace and acting without thinking can be reckless so I have to plan and consider my actions before doing them. Reckless actions cost a lot of things like time and money.
4. Think before I feel. Another reason for distraction is the emotions. They can really be a pain, a hindrance to my goals for the day, for the week, for the month, and maybe for the year. Sometimes, I don't want to feel for a while to get me going and growing. 
5. Of course, I must consider the things I take or intake. I must start living healthy. Enough said.
6. I'll stay away from peer pressure now. I'm not blaming anyone for anything. I just think it'll be nice if I can be on my own for now to focus on what I should be doing. It's time to get serious.
7. When opportunity knocks, take it. Of course, I don't have to take every opportunity that is presented. I have to choose these opportunities that will interest me and help me in every way to grow up and learn something from the chances. 
8. Manage my time. Having a messy time management does not get me anywhere and it does not bode well at all. If I feel lazy for doing something, I need to kick myself in the ass and move it because time during the second semester is really moving frakking fast. If I procrastinate, everything will be pushed back and they all will become major setbacks. I need to slap myself to snap out of it.
9. I should learn how to let go. Reflecting on my past failures is helpful but not wallowing on them. I should just learn how to move on and forget because as a new day unfolds, there's a chance for redemption. Every day is a new clean slate to start over.

If I ever forgot something, I'll just add them here. If I fail to fulfill even one of these things, I need a psychological evaluation. It's been a very long post and once again, 2012 draws nigh in almost 23 or 24 hours so I say and greet in advance a happy new year to all.

A Birthday and Some Kicks

First off, I'd like to greet one of my close friends in college who's also another blogger here a happy birthday! I can't say her name here for security purposes. I'll greet her in person to make it better. Her stories spice up my day and her energy is just very high. I wish her good health (Of course!), more happiness that she deserves, more strength, and more love in the coming years.

About the treats, don't worry about it. Stories are enough. :D

Moving on, after reading her blog today, I just realized that we both experienced this joy from our friends. At least, she maximizes every happiness with them. I still have to learn how to be open to them. I closed my world too much and I think it's time to open up.

My mates don't deserve it I guess. They're trying their best to break my walls and it's time to get out and just enjoy their company and share what they want to hear from me because I seldom speak about some of my personal stuff. I know what to share and what is not meant for sharing so don't worry.

They're cool people and they don't really deserved to be shut out so I'll try real hard to be more open. They've been real to me and it's about time that I return the favor.

See The Light

There are a lot of things I want to do but unfortunately, I reached the time when things are now complicated and there's no more room to breathe, loosen up and explore. It just sucks to realize at this time that I'm not living my life to the fullest. A lot of things can be blamed but I have myself to be ultimately pointed at.

I got used too much in living an "uptight" life, trying to follow and impress my parents I guess. Now that I'm living on my own, sort of, I find it hard to explore new things but I am trying to grasp new experiences especially the things I can never do if I still live in my home. It sucks that I failed to maximize this newly-gained freedom. Right now, I have lots of regrets in the things I failed to do.

Last night, I got one of the biggest slaps in my existence from a college mate. Almost every single word he said to me pierced like arrows to my head and the sentences that are still echoing inside my head left me teary-eyed. He made me realize the things I just said above. He also made me realize that (not the exact words but from what I understood) what if I never got the chance to explore life, how can I be capable of making decisions, especially the biggest, life-changing decisions I'll make in the future.

*sigh*

Another thing he made me realize is that sometimes, I need to open up and start loving and trusting myself for others to accept and trust me as well. Insecurities have become one of the constant things on earth besides change and we have to accept these insecurities because they'll become our stepping stones for the changes we seek to reap from ourselves. If we accept these insecurities in us, we can begin to change ourselves and people will see the better half of ourselves. Most of the time, people should adjust to us but not all of the time, they'll adjust for us so we have to adjust for them as well.

Thanks to that person for opening my eyes and enlightening me even if it's a bit late. He's one of the coolest people I met in college and I admire him for his wisdom and strength.

First Day of the End (Carpe Diem)

Two days ago, the second semester begun. My last semester as a college student. Hopefully. When my Public Relations professor dismissed our class saying that this semester is so short, I realized that I need to seize every day.


CARPE DIEM.

We all know the saying. We all know what it means. Life has a lot of deadlines. It has a lot of ends but of course the ends I'm talking about are not about ending the biological function of a body but the phases we go through as we progress in life. Knowing these ends, we must take chances and do whatever we want to do, should do, and must do. Obviously, adults wants us to focus on the responsibilities.

Yeah, I won't forget my responsibilities but it's nice to lose control sometimes. Letting go of the steering wheel and have fun because after the 5 months that we'll never notice to have transpired, it's time to bid farewell to the memories we made for the past four years as a college student.

We can have fun while working but the level of fun is never the same. I know that when we step outside the real world, most of what we did in college will be considered as childish or sometimes, embarrassing and even worse. disturbing.

It sucks that I realize this just now though I know a lot of my friends have been trying to shove CARPE DIEM in my head. I have been too cautious of my life, planning too much and going on a routine too much even though I know that most of the times, my small plans for the day will just be screwed up.

So now, I will try my hardest to have fun while studying. There should be no room for drowning myself in loneliness but I will not get lost in paradise. (Had to use that phrase.) I will try to balance happiness and seriousness in order for me to be more productive and motivated because of the goal that we are trying to accomplish and that is to finish studying.

Once again, if you think I'm getting incoherent or inconsistent, notify me through leaving comments. Thank you very much. :)

The Change

Title sounds familiar? It's because it came from one of the songs of Evanescence from their third, self-titled album and I'm loving it. I bought it two Sundays ago and I can't stop listening to it. "The Change" became one of my favorite songs off the album. But I'm not here to talk about the song. So let's get this show rolling...

The second semester of my senior life will start tomorrow. Another semester means another 5 months of pressure and suffering in academics with some laughs and mishaps along the way. Like I said in my post before, there will be changes.

Some of my previous mates transferred to another block, starting their semester anew with their freedom. I just got emancipated this previous semester. I acquired some new perspectives and I met different personalities that I never expect to mingle harmoniously. I also never expected to enjoy their company actually. The atmosphere when I'm with them is pretty light and I actually look forward to coming to school because of them.

Anyway, one of the changes I'll be trying to implement myself is to try to get out of my comfort zone, meaning I'll try to be as approachable as I can because this semester, I'm on my own now and I have to learn how to deal with other people properly and without getting the awkwardness. I'll need it when I finally get out of college.

The second change I'll try is to loosen up a little. People see me as someone who is serious all the time and people find me inapproachable because of that. Though I need to learn how to loosen up. Gah.

I'll also be more competitive and active like what I said to another previous post but I will not try to harm anyone and I will not become desperate because I want a clean and fair competition. What I mean in the competition is the academics.

It will be hard to adjust myself into what I'm planning to change but I'll really need it as I face the real world after college life ends.

A Kick

I got a little addicted with Hell's Kitchen lately. I usually hate reality shows for their drama but the drama in the show attracted me somehow. Moving on...

While I was watching its 10th episode, something kicked inside my head. It gave me some kind of realization that I needed for a while. From watching the show with all the pressure and drama that somehow made me think of the world I'm about to step into after college, I realized that I need to be more competitive.

I'm still uncertain of where to go after college but I want my path to be concrete once I made my choice. I need to move my arse and be more competitive and at least, be more active. I need to hone my skills and prepare myself for the real world. The real world is not as easy as college life or high school life (even if high school life is an epitome of HELL). The real world has more rejections to offer than the social life in high school. Real world has more issues we have to think about like helping our families and making clients happy unlike in high school or in college where we have to worry about what to do with our grades. Oh! And in real life, the currency is money. Cold, hard money that makes the world go round. Almost. Comparing to our times of education where grades makes our world go round.  


One exciting thing in getting a job is earning your own money. There's no need to rely on parents to give us some allowance to go somewhere. Earning money is somehow a symbol of independence. If you earn your own money, to me, it means you're in charge of it. You worked your butt for it and now, you must decide how to split your fruit of labor. Of course, if you have a good heart, you would give some to your parents for additional help. What remains is now up to you on what to do with it.

Now, if I will perform better this semester, I can pave my way through a good job. The salary is sort of a bonus, I guess, especially if the job I will nail is the perfect job for me. Speaking of perfect jobs, my plan is sort of vague but I want to nail a job as a writer in some video game magazines. I want to write reviews for video games. If possible, I want to have a second job in the film industry as a sideline. I know it's hard to juggle two jobs but it's possible. The logic is possible. I know I said I'm still uncertain of where to go. This plan of mine is still tentative for I don't know if there are still video game magazines being published here in my place but I'm still looking forward to work as a writer if there is still such magazine.