An Outburst

Forgive me for this intimate and somewhat messy post but I am in the mood for letting this out because I don't know what will happen to me if I just keep it inside.

I'm a person who's always in touch with my feelings, a person who wears his emotions on his sleeve. I still believe I am but I don't want to get my emotions in the way of my logic. Not anymore. It's not really helping me at all. My emotions make me go back to my past which I really don't want to linger on forever and every time I go back to the past, it's like I'm going down to a deep tunnel and I cave myself inside it. The past also made me go to my most vulnerable state and of course, I never liked it. There are times I wallow suddenly when I'm in that tunnel and I find that a little irrational now because all the events behind my tears look so irrational and stupid... and I hate being stupid! I feel like I want to claim my tears back.

I cry suddenly because I think it'll help me to slowly let go because once I let these tears out, I might be fine at the end of the day but I believe it's just a temporary remedy. I want a permanent cure.

The reason why I am here right now, writing this post, is to let go. Well, I don't expect to believe that after posting this, I think I have let go all of my burdens but if it helps, why not take a shot? Anyway, I don't want to get stuck in this shithole forever. I'm getting messier and messier as the days go by. I don't want to wallow and think of my past in the coming days. I want to move forward and live my life without any worries, hesitations, and fear. Shit. I want to erase all the things that kept my head bound in this phase. I want to let it all go. But I don't know where or how to start.

Maybe talking to a therapist might help or talking to a friend might do it to. I've also thought of dealing with this myself but I always hesitated for I fear the truth. But from the looks of things, dealing and confronting the problems look like a big help now. But first, I need to gather myself and my thoughts before I push this plan.