It's already the month of June. I left my job two months ago. Well, it's not really a smooth farewell but I got out. I was busy for two weeks last month. And then, I will be busy again starting this Saturday and will last for 18 days. Thankfully, it's not consecutive because the key people have other things to do on our vacant days.
Yes. I've been busy since I got out of my previous job. I think I'm slowly getting out of my shell somehow but I still feel I lack a lot. I need to grow some balls to be precise. There's this feeling of being incomplete inside myself and it somehow kills my mood whenever it passes by my mind and I also get distracted because of it.
I'm starting to experience new things ever since I chose this new path but I still think I'm missing out a lot on life. People think I'm getting old and I think so too but I still haven't experienced a real relationship. (Don't get me wrong on this one. I'm not like one of those teenagers who's dying to have a relationship, okay?) I almost had one but then I got cold feet. I know. You want to slap me to wake and put some sense in me but it's all done and I've learned the error of my ways or I'm still learning on it at least. But I'm not here to whine and wallow about my cold feet. I want to pour this certain thing out of my mind.
You see, there's this one person I admire but I don't know if this person still likes me or not because back in senior year, this person said "I like you" to my in a shy way. Of course, I was shocked and awkwardly expressed my gratitude but this person doesn't know I also have a mutual feeling for that person but I wanted to make sure if the feeling is real or not. Until now... But I endured a year with that person. Graduation came and we went our separate ways.
Then, there's this one day in a few months after graduation that I was strolling in a random mall when I saw a former classmate. We chat for I think an hour to catch up and then, I suddenly brought up the revelation because from what I remember, my classmate was a witness to the incident back then so I asked her if she thinks the revelation is sincere or a fraud and she thinks it's the latter.
I've been trying to reconnect to that particular person but we seldom see each other and this person also has a knack of cancelling plans in the last minute due to some reasons. I know I have to understand the reasons but it doesn't have to cancel when I always invite that person so I of course think there is avoidance going on.
I'm still plagued by the revelation and when we finally see each other, I want to know the truth and if I'm given a chance to start something from there, I'd like to try that even if it's odd. Anyway, it's okay to make some mistakes in your first relationship if it will go down like that, right? But let's not hope it will end up like that although there's a 80% chance I'll get rejected anyway because I think I'm below this person's standards and we have little in common.
I told my friends about this predicament and they think I have strong feelings for that person so they agreed that what I'm planning to do will really help me and if things go okay from there, they'll support me because I'm a newbie. But I won't assume that we'll be together. No.
So there. That's my current status and predicament these days. I hope things will work out and if not, it's okay just to say what I have to say and ask what I need to ask from that person. I've prepared myself for the outcomes anyway so I'll be good. So sorry if you think I ended this abruptly. It's just that I think this is all I have in my mind right now so I'll be leaving on this note. Anyway, thank you for reading and understanding.
Sincerely,
Zepp
P.S. To that person,
If you're reading this (in which I think there's a slim chance you'll even visit this site), if we see each other, please don't get awkward on me when I say what I have to say. I won't spill it here because it'll just kill my plan. I hope to see you soon. Thank you.
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