See The Light

There are a lot of things I want to do but unfortunately, I reached the time when things are now complicated and there's no more room to breathe, loosen up and explore. It just sucks to realize at this time that I'm not living my life to the fullest. A lot of things can be blamed but I have myself to be ultimately pointed at.

I got used too much in living an "uptight" life, trying to follow and impress my parents I guess. Now that I'm living on my own, sort of, I find it hard to explore new things but I am trying to grasp new experiences especially the things I can never do if I still live in my home. It sucks that I failed to maximize this newly-gained freedom. Right now, I have lots of regrets in the things I failed to do.

Last night, I got one of the biggest slaps in my existence from a college mate. Almost every single word he said to me pierced like arrows to my head and the sentences that are still echoing inside my head left me teary-eyed. He made me realize the things I just said above. He also made me realize that (not the exact words but from what I understood) what if I never got the chance to explore life, how can I be capable of making decisions, especially the biggest, life-changing decisions I'll make in the future.

*sigh*

Another thing he made me realize is that sometimes, I need to open up and start loving and trusting myself for others to accept and trust me as well. Insecurities have become one of the constant things on earth besides change and we have to accept these insecurities because they'll become our stepping stones for the changes we seek to reap from ourselves. If we accept these insecurities in us, we can begin to change ourselves and people will see the better half of ourselves. Most of the time, people should adjust to us but not all of the time, they'll adjust for us so we have to adjust for them as well.

Thanks to that person for opening my eyes and enlightening me even if it's a bit late. He's one of the coolest people I met in college and I admire him for his wisdom and strength.